


Fill Me Up 2: The Bucket List

by cernicalo



Series: Fill Me Up [2]
Category: NCIS
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Friendship, Gen, Pre-Slash, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-25
Updated: 2012-05-02
Packaged: 2017-11-04 07:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/391517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cernicalo/pseuds/cernicalo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony breaks a rule and deals with changes, both at work and at home.  This picks up where Fill Me Up left off.  Again, thanks to Annie Booker for the beta!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Tony’s Original Bucket List  
> 1\. Master the art of Kung Fu.  
> 2\. Drive a 1965 Aston Martin DB5 like the one in Goldfinger.  
> 3\. Discover the meaning of life.  
> 4\. Catch a shark.  
> 5\. Date a Bond girl and/or Miss Universe.  
> 6\. Ride in a motorcycle ball of death.  
> 7\. Write letter to Roger Ebert re: his reviews of Full Metal Jacket and Benji the Hunted.  
> 8\. Develop a catch phrase.  
> 9\. The luge.  
> 10\. Tell Dad it’s okay.  
> 11\. Watch all Hitchcock films in order of release (including both versions of The Man Who Knew Too Much), pausing only for bathroom breaks.  
> 12\. Experience a Wonder of the World (besides Gibbs).  
> 13\. Learn to play the bass.  
> 14\. Kick McGee’s butt at some video game.  
> 15\. Create DiNozzo coat of arms.  
> 16\. Ride a Ferris wheel naked. (oops…did that already)  
> 17\. Get and pass on Gibbs’ recipe for steak.  
> 18\. Visit Bogie’s grave.  
> 19\. Discuss Paris.  
> 20\. Give a motivational half-time speech.  
> 21\. Find Jimmy Hoffa, dammit.  
> 22\. Finish memoir.  
> 23\. Make cameo in the movie version of memoir.  
> 24\. Let friends get closer.  
> 25\. Try space tourism.  
> 26\. Tell her.

Chapter 1

The dinner at Leyla’s had been wonderful, full of spicy exotic dishes Tony didn’t normally eat during Christmas but decided it was something to which he could definitely become accustomed. He smiled slightly as he recalled playing with Amira. Tony was, at first, a little hesitant about Amira but found that they did have something in common, namely, several Disney favorites. He found that she was a quiet child, very different from him when he was her age, but when you got her going he found that she had an incredibly infectious giggle. The best part of that giggle, though, was the look on Gibbs’ face, the broad grin only slightly offset by the trace of wistfulness he could detect in the familiar blue eyes. 

When the evening was done and they left to return to Gibbs’ house, Tony found that the weather had turned even colder with that sharp tang in the air that said snow. Finally, Tony thought. He was pleasantly full and relaxed and figured he’d crash at Gibbs’ house rather than return home, sure that Gibbs wouldn’t mind. Upon returning to Gibbs’ house, he was surprised when Gibbs motioned him to the couch. He’d expected Gibbs to go down to the basement to work and just figured that he’d follow.

“Not going to work?”

“Tired. Starting a new project later,” Gibbs said and walked into the kitchen.

Tony frowned. Gibbs’ words sent up a flag but Tony shook his head deciding that even the Mighty Leroy Jethro Gibbs could get tired now and then. He heard more movement and figured Gibbs was making coffee. He thought about that and scrunched his nose deciding he didn’t want any right then. He briefly considered getting a beer but the thought of that didn’t work for him, either. Instead, he stood and moved to the ancient TV, flipping it on to begin channel surfing, hoping there’d be a game. He didn’t find a game but he did find a favorite holiday movie so he settled into the couch and began watching. 

~*~*~

When Gibbs walked into the kitchen he automatically began making a pot of coffee. He was about to set the machine to brew when he had an idea and instead set the timer so that the pot would brew in the morning. He smirked as an idea hit him and he began pulling out ingredients for a different beverage, thinking that this drink ought to make Ducky happy because at least it wasn’t coffee or bourbon. 

When he was done he carried both cups into the living room to find Tony completely immersed in a movie. He grinned and then handed Tony a cup. Surprise and sudden warmth filled Tony’s eyes which told Gibbs he’d hit the nail on the head by making hot chocolate. Tony took a sip and then gave him a broad smile in thanks.

“A Christmas Carol?” Gibbs questioned as he sat down on the other end of the couch.

“This is a great version, Boss, one of my favorite Christmas movies. It has George C. Scott playing Scrooge. It’s a real classic although there’s a lot to be said of the version with Patrick Stewart…do you know him? Star Trek? No? Well, anyway, while those versions are great I’d have to say that the best version is actually called Scrooge, 1951, directed by Brian Desmond Hurst. Alastair Sim really nailed the character and is probably considered the definitive Ebenezer Scrooge…”

Gibbs let Tony rattle on for awhile, amazed as always at the depth of knowledge the younger man displayed. What struck him, though, was that for a man with so much baggage with the holiday, the way he threw himself into all of the trappings was surprising. 

Gibbs contemplated his SFA while Tony watched the movie and spouted trivia through the various scenes. Tony looked better now that Christmas was over. His difficulty with the holiday was the same every year and every year he worried about him, worried that between the job and whatever issues he had, it would be too much. And every year he wished that he could just move Tony in with him until the rough time was over. This year had been particularly bad, no doubt due to the string of particularly grueling cases, so his concern had ratcheted up exponentially. He would not lose Tony, though. He needed him on his team and in his life. That had been the reason he’d allowed Abby’s involvement. 

His eyes narrowed at the TV screen as he continued with his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if it had been a good idea but what’s done was done, he figured. He agreed to the offer Abby had made, the offer to stick a little closer to Tony this season, but he’d have turned her down if he’d known she’d get McGee and Ziva involved. The last thing he wanted was to make it look like Tony couldn’t handle himself. So far it didn’t look like he’d taken their involvement that way, but Gibbs still wondered how the dust would settle now that Tony seemed to be back on an even keel. He thought for a moment longer and wondered if it could also be due to the changes in Tony himself.

He thought back to when he first noted Tony’s subtle change in demeanor. It was sometime after the case of the Naval Commander with a GSW that turned out to be self-inflicted. He’d thought at the time that the Commander’s situation found a particular resonance in Tony. They’d learned that the Commander’s pending forced retirement had led the man to examine his life…and had found it lacking. He’d been in love with another man’s wife, a woman who wouldn’t have left her husband. Then, without the Navy, he’d felt he had nothing else. When that realization had sunk in, he took that last, drastic step.

Gibbs took a sip of the hot chocolate as he mused. There were a lot of moments in a man’s life that led him to take stock of where he was, what he ultimately wanted and what his future might hold. Some of those instances were pretty momentous like finding yourself a survivor of a battle you didn’t expect to live through. Maybe not as spectacular but equally life-changing was the decision to get married or finding out you were going to be a father. In his experience, though, those life-changing epiphanies were more the culmination of other, smaller moments in life. His Dad would have said it was just a process of growing up, maturing, but Gibbs wasn’t sure he agreed with that. 

Coming to a life-changing realization didn’t mean you weren’t a mature adult to begin with. To him, it just meant that your path suddenly came into focus, like the minute adjustment to your scope so that your target was crystal-clear. So far it seemed that Tony had made the major adjustments and now just needed to do some fine-tuning. He glanced back at Tony and smiled slightly…his focus was more on the TV than anything else right now. Still, he figured that Tony had been doing what he needed to and while he didn’t know what conclusions Tony had reached, he knew Tony was finding some of his answers. Unfortunately, part of those answers resulted in that damned bucket list. 

He wasn’t sure how he felt about performing, what were to him, sometimes frivolous tasks just to say that he’d done them. He had enough regrets in his life that never sailing to the Bahamas probably wouldn’t even make the list. And yet, his own father had felt the desire to visit Nepal and had done so, hanging the resultant pictures up in his store.

Gibbs thought about Tony’s bucket list. A lot of those things were definitely frivolous and many downright improbable if not impossible (finding Jimmy Hoffa and trying space tourism came to mind). Others were vague references to things understood only by Tony but were obviously things Tony fully intended to handle when the time was right. Despite that, though, with the exception of a few very real items, Gibbs got the impression that it wasn’t the full list, might even be a decoy with enough vague entries to both intrigue and satisfy his other three nosey team members. 

So much of what Tony let the team see was either intended as smoke and mirrors or as a distraction for when work got tense. The real Tony was a lot harder to know and while he thought he had a pretty good handle on the man, Tony still found many ways to surprise him. Take, for instance, the man’s supposed love for the holidays.

One would think that with what he knew of Tony’s past and what Tony had let slip on his own, Christmas would be one holiday that Tony would ignore (if not downright hate) just as, for the most part, he did. Bright and happy memories were hard to handle when the loss of the focal point of those memories was so profound. For him it was getting better because his memories were good ones and he was learning that it was better to rejoice in those memories, cherish the times he did have rather than just lock them away. It was a hard lesson to learn but he was getting there. 

Tony, on the other hand, seemed to have nothing good to associate with the holiday. He’d gotten his first inkling of what may have occurred when a very drunk Tony had talked about the chemistry set he’d gotten. He said that his father had started wailing but Gibbs knew even then that what Tony had started to say was that his father had begun whaling…on him. He was eight years old that Christmas Day. It was the same Christmas Day Tony’s records showed that he’d suffered a broken arm. It was also the same Christmas day that Tony’s mother had died in a car crash. 

He’d looked into the report and saw that her BAC had been twice the legal limit at the time. Gibbs knew that year had been the final year that DiNozzo Christmas parties had made the social pages. Now, though, he wondered how the succeeding Christmases had gone. Not well, he imagined, wishing he could do some whaling of his own on Tony’s father.

“Hey, Boss…I should have asked if you even want to watch this movie,” Tony said, interrupting Gibbs’ thoughts. “You don’t look like you’re enjoying it much.”

Gibbs gave Tony a faint smile and realized at that moment that he’d been glaring at the TV. “It’s fine. Used to be one of Shannon’s favorites…”

“Really?” Tony asked but Gibbs could see that his answer made Tony even more skeptical about his choice.

“I like it,” Gibbs said, hoping to reassure the younger man. “Used to scare Kelly, though. It was the ghosts.”

“Yeah, I could see that although there was a Mickey Mouse version that came out in 1983. It was pretty good and the ghosts weren’t scary at all. The latest version with Jim Carrey probably would have scared her, though.”

Gibbs smiled when he saw Tony relax somewhat and knew there was still something on his mind. They watched the rest of the movie in companionable silence. When it was over, Gibbs stood up and stretched. He was beat.

“I’m heading up,” he said as he reached for his cup.

“I’ve got these,” Tony offered and Gibbs let him take the cup from his hand. “And then I’ll head out.”

“Thought you were staying.” 

Tony looked down for a bit. “Yeah, well. Christmas is over now and I haven’t been drinking. No need for babysitting any…owww!”

Tony rubbed his head but Gibbs could see the warm gleam in his eyes.

“Not babysitting you, DiNozzo. Watching your six.”

Tony started to grin and then his eyes narrowed. Gibbs had always kept a closer eye on Tony during Christmas; he figured Tony would have known that he’d never bought into his act although Gibbs had to admit that this year Tony had played the frat-boy partyer act to the hilt. The drinking, though, had been far too real. He waited patiently for all of the split second it took for his SFA to figure it out. Tony wasn’t his SFA just because of his smile.

“How long?”

Gibbs just raised his eyebrow and cocked his head. Although the date that Tony’s mother died wasn’t in his records, Gibbs wasn’t in his job just because, either. He had thoroughly checked his boy out before hiring him.

“That long, huh?” Tony asked with no surprise. Tony looked down. “You hired me anyway…”

“Rule #5, DiNozzo. Besides, always figured you were watching my six, too.”

Tony smiled faintly and Gibbs looked at him in satisfaction. He’d known that Tony’s repeated holiday visits were two-fold: while it had worked to ease his own issues with the holiday, Tony had also been keeping him from being alone on Christmas. It put them on even footing…right where they should be. He saw Tony nod in acceptance.

Gibbs didn’t say anything else, just turned and headed for the stairs. “Leave ‘em,” he called over his shoulder as he climbed.

~*~*~

Tony watched Gibbs mount the stairs. “Goodnight,” he called and got a wave in return and he smiled faintly. He took the cups into the kitchen and rinsed them, leaving them in the sink and then shut down the lights. As he climbed the stairs he found himself humming “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” and feeling a bit like Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning. Although he couldn’t say he’d laid his own Ghost of Christmas Past to rest, somehow knowing that Gibbs understood made everything seem a bit more manageable. 

Tony got ready for bed and wondered if Abby and everyone else knew about his mother, too. He frowned as he pulled on a t-shirt. He’d never told her and doubted Gibbs would have, so they probably didn’t. He doubted Abby would have dug into his personal history…she was too honorable for that. No, they didn’t know, he decided. Any conclusions they may have drawn about him and his holiday rituals came strictly from his own actions and, looking back, he realized that yes, he had pushed it too far this year. 

With a grimace, he walked into the bathroom and began brushing his teeth. He looked at his face in the mirror as he brushed. There were still dark shadows under his eyes although they weren’t nearly as bad as they’d been last week. He’d lost weight and looked a little tired but again, it wasn’t as bad as last week. He was back on track now and he swore to himself that he wouldn’t let things get this bad again. No more of this babysitting thing. He paused in his brushing, thinking about that for a moment. It wouldn’t have been Gibbs’ idea. It had to have been Abby’s. And McGee and Ziva had gone along with it either on her say so or just because they decided it was necessary. Tony scrunched up his face. He didn’t like appearing weak, especially in front of McGee and Ziva. 

“But you straightened your act up,” he told himself in the mirror and decided that maybe he hadn’t marred his reputation too badly. They’d solved their case based on his hunch (and no, he wasn’t going to think about that phone call just yet) and their Christmas dinner came together alright and Ziva was settled into her engagement with CIRay. 

“And as long as you spend Christmas with Gibbs, it’ll all work out,” he told himself, feeling for the first time like it really would. He really hadn’t needed Abby to tell him their team was like a family, he’d felt that way for quite some time and, for him, Gibbs was at its center. He stared at himself in the mirror and blinked. Then, with a little huff, he shook his head slowly in amazement. That’s the answer. He then made a promise to himself: from now on you spend at least the two weeks before every Christmas with Gibbs…assuming he doesn’t kick you out before Christmas Day. 

With a little laugh, he finished up and walked back into the bedroom. He crawled into bed feeling relaxed and better than he had in a very long time. 

“And Gibbs bless us…everyone,” he said quietly in a terrible English accent. With a final grin, he fell easily into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~

Gibbs finished getting ready for bed and then hit the lights. He settled himself under the covers but instead of closing his eyes he stared up at the darkened ceiling. Replaying the events of the evening in his mind, he saw Tony sitting with Amira curled up next to him on the couch as they watched a Disney movie. Leyla sat in a nearby chair, a small smile of contentment on her face. It was a good picture even if it did bring about a pang of longing deep in his chest. He missed that, the quiet evenings spent just being together with your loved ones at the end of a long day. He got that feeling whenever Tony joined him in the basement after they closed a case. He also got a hint of it whenever he visited Leyla and Amira, although it was always spoiled when the moment came for him to go home. Thinking about tonight, knowing how good it felt, he knew it was what he wanted for Tony. He deserved to have that level of peace in his life. He just needed to find someone who could give it to him. 

He’d told Tony that he wouldn’t find what he was looking for in his basement and it was true. Tony needed to be out there looking for that person…that woman…instead of spending all of his spare time in a basement with a taciturn old bastard…regardless of how much that old bastard wanted him there. 

Gibbs sighed and turned over onto his side to stare at the sliver of light coming through the bedroom curtain. He blinked sleepily but his mind was having trouble shutting down and he kept thinking about Tony.

Tony deserved so much more out of life, he mused. Maybe now, with his cup speech, he’d finally figured out how to get it. Just gotta make sure she didn’t try to make him choose between her and the job. That always ended in divorce. Spending too much time in the basement ended in divorce, too.

Gibbs yawned and again pictured Tony with Leyla and Amira and it struck him that if they hit it off, there’d still be room for him in that picture, too. He was, after all, Amira’s godfather. His eyes finally slid closed and his last thought was that Leyla was a good woman. If he couldn’t have Tony, she’d do.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Over the following weeks, Tony found himself spending quite a bit more time with Gibbs to include numerous visits to Leyla’s house. Then, when there was a problem with the pipes, Gibbs enlisted Tony’s questionable help for the repair.

“You do know that I’m useless when it comes to this type of work, right?” he asked Gibbs as he looked at the array of hand tools Gibbs pulled out of his toolbox.

“Just do what you’re told and it’ll be fine,” Gibbs said easily as he shoved his head under the sink.

Tony nodded and over the next several hours actually learned more than he ever wanted to know about household plumbing. 

“This is an old house…like mine,” Gibbs said as he inspected some more pipes in the basement. “This looks pretty good for the most part but some of its outdated…needs to be brought up to code.”

“Shouldn’t that have been identified when Leyla bought the house?”

“Only a problem if it’s not working. Regs say to bring it up to code when repairs are made.”

Tony just shook his head but was glad to learn that it wasn’t going to be a major overhaul. “Can’t imagine what she’d do if she didn’t have you around, Boss,” he said as he handed Gibbs a pipe wrench.

“Maybe you’ll be around to make sure she doesn’t get screwed by some plumber.”

“Me? The only thing I’d do is check out the plumber’s credentials, get references…”

“Yeah. That’s what I’d expect you to do…” Gibbs said as he tightened a joint. “And then you make sure he does what he says.”

Tony didn’t say anything else and then Gibbs said he was done. Almost magically, Leyla appeared to say that lunch was ready. 

All through lunch Tony thought about what Gibbs had said. It was, to use one of Abby’s words, hinky. Why would Leyla ever turn to him for help when she had Gibbs? It hit him that the four of them had been together a lot since Christmas. He figured it was par for the course since he was spending a lot of time with Gibbs and since Gibbs helped her out, he tended to just tag along. But maybe that wasn’t really the case. He was beginning to get the impression that Gibbs was making sure he was around Leyla and Amira more often. That impression was strengthened when he thought of Gibbs’ words over Christmas about not finding what was looking for in his basement.

A sudden realization hit him hard enough that he began to choke on a bite of food. He reached for his glass of water and waved away Leyla’s attempts to slap him on the back. 

“Sorry…I’m okay…” he said roughly and then sipped some more water. Gibbs eyed him curiously but didn’t say anything and they continued eating their lunch. Later, when they made it back to Gibbs’ place, Gibbs asked if there were any games on TV. Tony said that he didn’t know and that he had to head out anyway because he had some errands to run. Fortunately, Gibbs just shrugged and gave a quick wave as Tony left.

Tony didn’t go back to Gibbs’ house for the rest of the weekend. He kept thinking about Gibbs and Leyla and Amira but couldn’t decide if he was reading too much into the situation. All he knew was that while his thoughts filled him with foreboding, he couldn’t possibly be right. By Monday, he decided that he’d been wrong. Gibbs just wouldn’t…matchmaking? Not only no, but _hell_ no! The thought was ludicrous. Obviously he’d somehow put two and two together and ended up with five so he decided to just forget about the whole thing. 

Eventually, things settled back into their regular routine…meaning case after case. It wasn’t bad, though. Fortunately, the cases weren’t major ones but since Johannsen was getting ready to retire, that team’s workload was being distributed to them and two other teams. It would settle down again when the new team lead was chosen. In the meantime, Tony continued spending a lot of time not only with Gibbs, but with Leyla and Amira as well. Unfortunately, no matter how much he tried to talk himself out of it, that little kernel of confusion remained alive and well in the back of his head.

~*~*~

“How about we see a movie instead?” Tony asked Amira worriedly and then glanced at the clock again when she screamed “No!” in a voice much louder than a little girl should be able to produce. Tony just closed his eyes in frustration. Gibbs had taken Leyla to a doctor’s appointment since she wasn’t very comfortable driving in the snow. She also hadn’t wanted to take Amira out because she had been sniffling that morning. Gibbs’ solution was to call Tony.

It was one of their rare three-day weekends and Tony planned to catch up on some household chores so when Gibbs called to ask if Tony could watch Amira for a couple of hours, he agreed easily enough. He’d been getting along pretty well with her whenever he’d visited before so didn’t see a problem this time. Unfortunately, he began to regret it after the first 40 minutes and now Gibbs and Leyla had been gone nearly two hours.

He couldn’t seem to interest her in anything which was pretty unusual. He’d even offered to let her play with his hair since she’d developed a passion for dressing him up. The only thing she seemed interested in, though, was going outside to ride the bicycle Gibbs had gotten for her for Christmas. He couldn’t seem to convince her that riding around in twelve inches of snow wouldn’t be much fun. After telling her no yet again, she’d tearfully run to her room to pout with her favorite stuffed animal. Tony took that opportunity to call Gibbs.

“I’m doing something wrong!” Tony spit out angrily after explaining the situation to Gibbs.

“Hold on,” Gibbs said. “Gotta go out into the hall.”

Tony looked upward and ground his teeth together while he waited for Gibbs to come back on the line. Although he knew it was only a couple of seconds, it seemed like forever before he heard Gibbs’ voice again.

“You’re not doing anything wrong, DiNozzo,” he said. “There might be something wrong with her. What’d she look like?”

Tony frowned at the question. He had no idea if there was anything wrong with her other than the fact that she was pissed she couldn’t ride her bike in the snow.

“Specify,” he bit out. He was angry that he’d failed Gibbs and he was angry at Gibbs for leaving him in this predicament. He was just angry because He Was Shit With Kids. Period.

“Her face, is she flushed? You need to check her for fever.”

“Okay, hold on,” Tony said and then moved back into the bedroom. Amira was lying quietly on her bed, still clutching her stuffed dog. She eyed him sleepily. “Hey, sweetie, how are you feeling?” he asked and then ran his hand over her forehead and through her hair. She was very hot.

“She’s flushed and her nose is all runny,” he told Gibbs. “Her forehead is hot, Gibbs! She’s got a fever. What do I do?” Tony hissed quietly into the phone and then turned and smiled at Amira, giving her a wide grin and a thumbs-up. She just stared at him.

“First of all, calm the hell down. Go to the bathroom and look for kid’s acetaminophen.”

“Shouldn’t I give her some aspirin? Doesn’t that bring a fever down?” Tony asked worriedly.

“You can’t give a kid aspirin, Tony. Hold on, Leyla’s out now. I’ll put her on so she can tell you where the thermometer is and how to use it and where to find the acetaminophen,” Gibbs said.

Tony did as Leyla directed and then bit the inside of his cheek when he read the thermometer. Giving Amira a smile, he stepped back towards the hallway and stood with his back to Amira.

“Her temp’s 102.1!” Tony said, feeling panic rising again. 

“That is not too high for a child, Tony,” Leyla replied calmly. She told him how much medicine to give Amira and then told him she would wait until he came back on the line again after giving it to her. 

“She has a cold, Tony, but she will be fine,” Leyla reassured Tony gently. “We are in the car now but it is snowing quite a bit. If you would, please, offer her some juice and sit with her on the bed. We will be home soon.”

“Yeah, okay,” Tony said, although he was still worried. He sat down next to Amira and was grateful when she curled into his side. He ran his hand through her hair as she settled in and she didn’t seem to mind when he kept checking her temperature. She just closed her eyes and went to sleep. Tony didn’t relax until he saw that her temperature started to drop thirty minutes later. He gently extricated himself and moved to the closet where he knew a blanket was stored. Covering her gently, he stayed next to her while she slept.

A short time later he looked up to see a smiling Leyla walking into the bedroom. Tony offered her the thermometer but she just shook her head, apparently preferring to feel her daughter’s forehead with her hand. Seeming assured that she was well, she motioned for Tony to follow her and then quietly closed the door after they stepped into the hallway to join a smirking Gibbs.

Tony glared at him and then turned to Leyla. “I’m so sorry, Leyla,” Tony began quietly but stopped when she just smiled at him and patted his arm.

“No, Tony, it is I who should apologize. Amira can be quite bothersome when she is ill, but she is fine and will recover quickly as children do. You did well.” Leyla smiled and turned to go downstairs. “Would you like some coffee?”

Tony sighed. He didn’t think he did well at all. He was also embarrassed because he’d been close to panicking. It was just that he really did care for Amira. He’d never be able to forgive himself if something happened to her while in his care. He just wished he understood kids better. At least there hadn’t been a gun-toting crazy-man in the next room.

“No, thanks,” he said quietly. “I think I’ll just head home.”

He saw Leyla look at him with a little crease of worry across her forehead. She then glanced quickly at Jethro. It was obvious to Tony that she knew how he was feeling which just made him feel worse. She stepped close to Tony again. 

“Children can be very difficult at times. They all react differently in different situations,” she said softly. “I’m afraid Amira is like me. My mother says that I was an absolute horror when I was ill. Apparently my brother was quite the opposite. When he was ill he merely curled up in bed and went to sleep.”

Tony smiled. “Yeah, that’d be me, too. I just want to sleep,” he agreed. “Well, I hope she feels better soon.”

Gibbs took that moment to lean down and kiss Leyla on the cheek.

“Call me if you need anything,” he said. Leyla smiled and thanked them both again. 

Tony nodded and grabbed his coat and then he and Gibbs left. 

As they got in the truck Tony again stated that he was headed home. Gibbs nodded, not saying anything while he drove through the snowy street. 

Tony fidgeted and sighed. Finally, he spoke.

“Boss, I don’t know how to handle kids, especially when they’re sick. I was ready to give her aspirin!” Tony slunk down into his seat. “Please don’t ask me to do that again,” He added after a moment.

Gibbs shrugged. “You’d have seen the dosages and known you couldn’t give it to her. I also know that you’d have called Ducky if you couldn’t get hold of me.”

Tony didn’t say anything. Gibbs was right in that he would have called Ducky.

“When Kelly was sick she didn’t want to have anything to do with me,” Gibbs said after a brief silence. “Always wanted Shannon.”

Tony frowned and turned to look at him.

“Like Leyla said, kids react differently in different situations. You did fine today with Amira and the other day, too…with Nathan,” Gibbs said as he parked the truck in his driveway. “You just need more practice. I’ll talk to Leyla about letting you babysit more often.”

With a smirk, Gibbs got out of the truck. 

Tony just stared after him, horrified at the very thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

“I think you’re playing a very dangerous game, Jethro,” Ducky said in warning as he looked into Gibbs’ eyes. “And one that is completely out of character for you.” He knew there was more behind Jethro’s surprising efforts at matchmaking than concern for Tony’s welfare. Pulling out the blood pressure cuff, he took a quick reading and frowned. He put the cuff down and picked up a strip of rubber.

“I don’t like the numbers I’m seeing, Jethro,” Ducky said as he wiped the inside of Jethro’s arm. “Let’s do some blood work and see where that takes us, shall we?” He asked rhetorically since he was already pushing a needle into Jethro’s arm. 

When he was done with that he placed a small cup on the table next to his old friend and tapped it lightly with one finger. Jethro looked at it and rolled his eyes which made Ducky smile. Ducky then began to prod his shoulder. 

Jethro grimaced but Ducky ignored it as he manipulated Jethro’s shoulder, smiling calmly as he proceeded with his examination. He knew that Jethro’s shoulder had given him problems ever since Ari shot him, however, he wasn’t sure which bothered Jethro more during the winter, his shoulder or his knee but, as was customary with the stubborn man, he rarely sought the appropriate treatment. 

“Not a game, Duck,” Jethro said and then looked off to the side for a moment in introspection, which Ducky was accustomed to seeing. “Whether or not they get together is up to them,” Gibbs said with a shrug and then grimaced again at the pain the movement caused. 

Ducky smiled gently at Jethro’s attitude as he moved to examine Jethro’s knee. Jethro’s silent introspection was, indeed, typical. What was not typical was Jethro seeking his company so much more often lately. The change was not unwelcome. He’d felt for many years that Jethro’s solitude was not in his best interest but the man was uncommonly stubborn. Perhaps that was finally changing. Also, an unforeseen but most fortunate consequence of their increased conversation was Jethro’s small mention of slight dizziness. That he’d mentioned it at all was cause for concern. That comment, along with the pain he knew his friend was in, were what had led to this examination.

“Any more dizziness?” he asked as he worked Jethro’s knee. He wanted to schedule Jethro for more tests but knew the man would balk. Still, he had to try.

Gibbs didn’t answer right away which, in Gibbs-speak, meant yes. 

“Drinking less…” Gibbs added with a slightly hopeful note, no doubt hoping to stave off another lecture.

“But still not eating properly, I wager.”

“Been eating more at Leyla’s,” Gibbs added not quite defensively because Ducky knew Leroy Jethro Gibbs simply didn’t do defensive.

Ducky merely raised his eyebrows. He knew that Jethro primarily saw Leyla only on the weekends. And while Tony was spending more time with Jethro, their food choices usually meant take-out Chinese food or pizza, neither of which provided the nutrition about which he’d been lecturing Jethro. 

“Yes, well, I would imagine it would be your preference that they find a mutual attraction. It would certainly cement Tony’s place in your family, as it were,” Ducky mused as he pulled a new tube of cream from a drawer. “It would take quite a generous woman to accept not only Tony’s dedication to his profession but also his dedication to his family. Leyla would provide that. A plus is that your diet would improve.”

“What’s diet got to do with that?”

“It sounds as though when you are not with Tony, you are with Leyla, Amira _and_ Tony. Therefore, I’m quite certain Leyla feeds you. Diet aside, let me caution you, my friend…should Tony and Leyla find they do indeed care for one another it does not necessarily follow that you will continue to spend large amounts of time with them. They would be a family and, as such, Tony’s primary attention would be given to them…and rightly so.”

Jethro didn’t say anything but Ducky knew he understood. Unfortunately, while Jethro was trying to do what he thought best for his friend, he was setting himself up for quite a fall since Ducky also understood Jethro’s more personal feelings towards Tony and he worried…very much. Unfortunately, he couldn’t fault Jethro’s logic. If he couldn’t be with Tony then this solution _might_ work out. Alas, he feared the high probability that the entire situation would blow up in their faces. 

“One final thing, Jethro…I’d like to schedule you for additional tests.”

Again Gibbs rolled his eyes and Ducky felt like slapping him on the back of the head. He was fully aware of Jethro’s current work schedule, but his health was simply more important. Getting Jethro to understand that, however, had been impossible thus far. 

“Don’t bother, Duck…already know what they’re going to say so why waste time I don’t have.” 

Gibbs was pulling his shirt back on when Tony stepped into Autopsy. 

“Hey, Boss, Duck,” Tony said, his eyes narrowing, no doubt at Jethro’s semi-unclothed state. “Everything okay?”

Gibbs ignored the question. “What?” he demanded. 

Ducky stood by and watched the by-play. He saw Tony’s eyes search Jethro’s face for a bit and then he literally saw the shutters close over the normally expressive green eyes.

Jethro made his usual impatient noise which always made Ducky want to chuckle…as long as it was not directed at him. 

“Today, DiNozzo!” Jethro barked which apparently served to bring Tony back to reality. 

“You didn’t answer your phone…Vance is looking for you,” Tony finally answered with a curious look towards Ducky which he studiously ignored.

Gibbs moved over to his jacket and dug around in his pocket until he pulled out his cell phone. Ducky heard another one of Jethro’s very slight noises. His sharp huff of breath no doubt meant self-disgust and he made the assumption that the phone was on vibrate. Hmm, Ducky mused, this level of distraction was very unusual for his friend and only added more fodder for his thoughts on Jethro’s questionable decision regarding Tony and Leyla. Well, at least he’s taking the cream, he thought as he saw Jethro pocketing both the phone and the tube of cream. 

Jethro turned away from Tony to pull his jacket on but Ducky’s position allowed him to see Jethro clenching his teeth against the pain. He could give him an injection of local pain reliever, he thought.

“Jethro…” he began but Jethro was already leaving.

“Thanks, Duck,” Jethro said over his shoulder as he walked out of autopsy. 

Tony watched him and then turned questioning eyes towards Ducky.

Ducky, however, merely raised his eyebrows, his face studiously blank.

Tony rolled his eyes and then turned and followed Gibbs out of the room. It was then that Ducky noticed the still empty container which was, no doubt, purposely ignored. Blowing out a sigh of exasperation at his friend’s stubbornness, he proceeded to put everything away while plotting how to go about getting that urine sample.

~*~*~

Gibbs scowled as he left Tony in autopsy with Ducky. He had a brief thought that Ducky might tell Tony what was going on but then sighed because he knew Ducky wouldn’t. He was also appreciative of the fact that Ducky hadn’t dropped any hints regarding his pain to Tony although he really wasn’t above doing that if he thought it was in Gibbs’ best interests. 

Gibbs sighed again as he punched the button to close the elevator doors. Glad to be away from prying eyes for a moment, he allowed himself to slump against the back wall of the elevator. Between the back to back cases and the pain, he felt…old. And now Ducky was starting to get on his case about eating and sleeping and, worst of all, his bourbon. It just added ‘annoyed’ to the list of things he was feeling.

It was also obvious that Ducky thought he was making a mistake about Tony and Leyla but, in his defense, he wasn’t _actively_ working to get them together, he was just making sure that they had ample opportunity to _be_ together. He grimaced at that thought because it sounded dangerously close to the plot of one of those Victorian romances that Shannon used to like to read. No, he preferred to think that his actions were more logical and were based on what was best not only for Tony, but for him, too. 

It was just that he’d realized something a long time ago when Tony started hanging around his basement all the time. It was probably around the hundredth time that he'd wished Tony would just go _home_ that he surprised himself with the realization that he really didn’t want him to. After that realization, he decided that he preferred it when Tony was around his house somewhere even if it was just watching TV or talking about some stupid article in the magazine he’d be reading as he sat on the steps. Not only did Gibbs relax because that way he knew his SFA wasn’t out getting into trouble but just having Tony around seemed to put him at ease. It sort of reminded him of all the time he spent in the basement with Shannon and Kelly. 

Maybe he‘d finally reached the point in his life where being alone all of the time wasn’t cutting it anymore. It was probably having DiNozzo around so much that made it easier after Mike died. And then Leyla and Amira had stayed with him until he found a house for them and he enjoyed hearing Amira running around. That brought back a lot of memories that, while painful because it wasn’t Kelly running around, still served to make him smile a bit more, something Tony had commented on at one point. It didn’t take much after that before he admitted to himself that it wasn’t just Tony and Leyla and Amira he liked having around. He really did just truly enjoy being with all those he considered family. Granted, he didn’t want everyone around all the time like he wanted Tony, he just decided that he didn’t mind it as much anymore. Whether it was a get-together for the whole team, which always included Leyla and Amira nowadays, or just the four of them, Gibbs found himself actually enjoying having other people in his house instead of itching to get down to his basement to be alone. Things were different now. It was…nice. He thought of drunken Tony, singing softly into the night and then saying he was empty. It had struck a deep, resonant chord within him that didn’t bear thinking about. Later, he’d told Tony not to be like him, to learn instead. What he hadn’t expected was to be learning, too. He just hoped that he didn’t screw the pooch here and, in the long run, leave himself lonelier than before.

~*~*~

“I intend to hand the team over to him when I retire, Leon,” Gibbs said quietly, his anger obvious.

Vance’s eyes narrowed. He was angry, too. That Gibbs was a bastard was a given. However, Vance also knew that he took care of his team. Would he actually jeopardize DiNozzo’s career for his own selfish desires? 

“Which is all the more reason to give DiNozzo his own team now,” Vance said very succinctly. “There are no projected openings in this location for several years. You’ve stated that he’s ready in his performance reports and in the commendations you wrote for him. Are you saying now that you lied, Gibbs?”

Gibbs didn’t answer. He just glared at Vance who knew damn well he hadn’t lied. Vance knew that Tony was ready for his own team. He also knew that Gibbs just wasn’t ready to lose him off of _his_ team. 

Vance leaned back in his chair and chewed on his toothpick. “That man is completely loyal to you, Gibbs. But no matter how ready he is, if you give him even the slightest hint that you don’t want him to take the job, he won’t. It’ll then be on record that he turned down two separate promotions. It looks bad, Gibbs, and not only for him. Don’t let him do this to himself.”

“Then don’t offer him the damn job!” growled Gibbs.

“He’s the best man for it. Giving DiNozzo Johannsen’s team when he retires gives DiNozzo valuable experience not only as Team Lead but also gives him the opportunity to pass along what _you’ve_ taught _him_. That benefits me and this agency as a whole, Gibbs. McGee would get experience as SFA under you which is, whether you believe it or not, a highly enviable position. Then, when you finally do retire, DiNozzo gets the MCRT with McGee as his SFA. This is a win-win situation for everyone involved, Gibbs, and I know you understand that.”

Gibbs didn’t answer for a moment. “I can’t stop you,” Gibbs said suddenly and Vance was sure the visible anger was only a hint at the turmoil roiling inside of him as he walked to the door.

“No, you can’t,” agreed Vance but Gibbs was already leaving. He didn’t worry about Gibbs talking to DiNozzo about this. Addressing Gibbs’ influence was enough to keep him from saying a word. It just remained to be seen what DiNozzo would choose to do. Vance twirled the toothpick in his mouth and then instructed Cynthia to have DiNozzo report to him. 

~*~*~

Tony paused, his paper missile still in hand, when he saw Gibbs trot down the stairs, and although there was no expression on Gibbs’ face, Tony’s stomach did a somersault. Gibbs kept walking by the bullpen, calling out that he was going for coffee. Tony watched him go, his eyes narrowing. Just then a wad of paper bounced off Tony’s shoulder but he just looked at McGee. It was obvious neither McGee nor Ziva noted anything amiss, but then they didn’t know Gibbs the way he did. He looked down at the wad in his hand and then tossed it into the trashcan.

“Conceding defeat, Tony?” McGee called out playfully.

“Nope. Just need to get my report done, McGee. And I suggest you get back to yours, too,” Tony said seriously as he sat down at his desk and pulled his report up. Peripherally, he noted McGee and Ziva exchange a look that was equally curious and amused.

“I did not hear Gibbs place you in charge, Tony,” Ziva said playfully earning herself a grin from McGee.

“You didn’t need to, Special Agent David,” Tony answered quietly. “It’s a given whenever the Senior Agent is absent.” Done with the banter, Tony turned to his computer and shut the other two out of his thoughts.

~*~*~

When Tony buried himself in his computer, Ziva shot a concerned glance towards McGee who was frowning now, too. Something about Tony’s tone of voice had stilled further comment and it dawned on them both that they’d missed something crucial but they had no idea what that was. Just then Tony’s phone rang. When he said he’d be right up they knew he was talking to Cynthia. 

Tony stood up and buttoned his jacket. He quietly told both McGee and Ziva to continue working on their reports and then he stepped away to move upstairs. As soon as he was gone, McGee shot Ziva a worried look.

“This had better not be another undercover op,” he said seriously.

Ziva nodded slowly and her eyes narrowed threateningly at the room at large before she settled in to await further news.

Gibbs returned long before Tony did. When he looked at DiNozzo’s empty desk, McGee volunteered that he’d been called to the Director’s office. If he’d been hoping to get some enlightenment, he was disappointed. All he got was a furious glare from Gibbs and a growled demand for their reports, which served to make him bury his face in his monitor. Although worried that Gibbs’ desk would erupt into flames from the heated looks Gibbs was giving it, both agents resumed their work all the while keeping an eye on the stairs leading to Director Vance’s office and hoping for the swift return of their SFA.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 

Tony leaned over the railing and watched the muddy gray-green water swirl over the rocks. He hadn’t given Vance an answer and wouldn’t until he had a chance to talk to Gibbs but the whole thing just didn’t sit well in his gut. He wasn’t sure where the unease was coming from since he still didn’t really trust Vance who might still be bucking for a promotion for his favorite McGeek. That just didn’t feel completely right, though. 

There was another possibility – that the idea had been Gibbs’ – but he blew that one off immediately. If Gibbs had wanted him off the team he’d have just fired him. No subterfuge or working through anyone else, just _hasta la vista, baby_. 

Tony felt a chill go through him but wasn’t sure if was completely due to the icy air swirling around him. He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck and debated the wisdom of having come outside to think. Gibbs had still been missing when he’d returned from Vance’s office so, ignoring the blatant curiosity and questions from his teammates and noting the volunteered information that Gibbs had stepped out for coffee…again, Tony grabbed his coat and scarf and left saying he’d be back in a while.

So here he stood, freezing his _cojones_ off, and wondering what was driving the offer. Somehow, Tony didn’t think it was as simple as the well-known fact that since Johannsen was retiring and his SFA was too green to take over, they just needed a new Team Lead. Yeah, he’d been offered a team before (and turned it down) and he knew his jacket said ‘promote’ all over it, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t someone else more qualified, maybe someone who was already a Team Lead somewhere and who was anxious to make the move to DC. Working in DC was cream since you worked directly under the Director of NCIS. If you wanted to get noticed, this was the place to make it happen.

He stared down at the small eddies swirling around the rocks. But, what if this promotion did have something to do with Gibbs? What if the job was offered under the premise that he needed more Team Lead experience because Gibbs was planning on retiring, too? Retiring or... 

_Oh, God…oh, dear God…_ Tony’s mind froze as his earlier thought solidified and then all of the air rushed out of him with the pain the thought engendered. He thought of Gibbs pushing him towards Leyla. _Maybe he thinks he won’t be around to keep taking care of her so he’s setting her up with me... Oh, jeez…no. I can’t…_

Tony dropped his head, his eyes closed tightly as he rode out the waves of fear rushing through him. He had to be wrong. There wasn’t anything wrong with Gibbs. _But he’s been seeing Ducky a lot, he’s getting examined…and you’ve heard him admit to being tired and not having time to waste on tests he already knows the answer to. When does Gibbs ever admit to being tired?_ No, he had to be wrong, he decided, but he really wanted to ask someone although there really wasn’t anyone to ask. Whatever was going was Gibbs’ personal business and until Gibbs chose to tell him, he was stuck. So what was he going to do? _Whatever Gibbs wants_ was the obvious answer and he nodded his oath to the endless flow of the river. 

~*~*~

Tony resolved to go back and act like nothing was wrong but he found himself studying Gibbs, noting every movement, every little facial tic whenever he stood up to go get coffee again. Gibbs looked, if anything, a bit more pale than normal although his jaw remained rock hard. Tony wondered if he was hiding pain of some sort and that thought sent a pang of terror through him as he imagined Gibbs lying on a bed, wracked with agony as he breathed out his last. Tony decided at that point that he must be losing his mind. He had no proof, nothing that said there really was anything wrong with Gibbs other than having an SFA with an overactive imagination. 

Tony ran a hand over his face and then, without moving his hand from over his eyes, he hit print and then dropped his hand only to see Gibbs standing a couple of feet away from him and glaring. 

“What’s wrong, Boss?” Tony found himself asking and then flinched when the glare became, if possible, even more intense.

“Report?” Gibbs asked in a deadly quiet voice.

Tony felt a chill worse than anything he’d felt outside course through him. He jumped up and stepped to the printer, cursing himself for that wording. “Right here, Boss…”

Gibbs said nothing as he snatched the report from Tony’s hand and then turned and marched over to his desk. He slammed the report down and Tony flinched from across the pen. Tony noted McGee hunching over his keyboard and then turned to see Ziva turn her face away to read something on her screen. Following their example, Tony returned to his seat and pulled out the fuel consumption report that would be due the following week.

Tony remained quiet the rest of the day and repeatedly denied having been assigned a new undercover op whenever he was cornered by either Ziva or McGee. He dreaded the moment Abby found out. He tried desperately to ignore the intense looks Gibbs shot at him by keeping his head down and working continuously. He couldn’t bring himself to act normally, though, which he was sure made Ziva and McGee believe even more that he’d been given some new assignment by the Director, an assignment that obviously pissed Gibbs off. He’d always prided himself on being able to dredge up whatever mask he needed regardless of the situation but found that today, that ability was beyond him. It took everything he had to just keep working despite the deep sense of dread that enveloped him.

It seemed to take forever but Gibbs finally gave them the go-ahead to leave. Tony didn’t waste any time and grabbed his gear. He was at the elevator before either Ziva or McGee could catch up. The last thing he needed right now was to be questioned yet again over what was going on. He still needed to wrap his own head around the situation and decide what he was going to do.

Tony made it back to his apartment but struggled with the quiet. He changed his clothes and turned on his TV and then put in a movie chosen at random. His thoughts were in turmoil. Foremost on his mind was whether or not he was right about Gibbs. He had no way to verify it, though, so he pushed that aside because he knew Gibbs would tell him what he wanted to tell him whenever he was damn good and ready to tell him. 

So what should he do about the job offer? He understood Vance’s reasoning, knew that if he chose to stay in DC the chances of promotions were extremely limited, this being the only one for who knew how long. He just couldn’t get Vance’s words out of his head. _“When Gibbs leaves, you’ll be ready to step into his place.”_ It sounded as though he was expecting Gibbs to leave relatively soon, a thought that hurt to consider.

Tony’s phone rang…again…and he chose to ignore it…again; just as he was ignoring his cell phone. By now he was sure McTattletale had run to Abby with his suspicions so it could be any one of the three. Actually, unless he wanted to talk with one of them (which he didn’t) it would probably be a good idea to leave. An unanswered door, hell, a locked door, wouldn’t deter any of his teammates from trying to corner him in his own apartment. With that thought, he grabbed his keys and left, the phone still ringing behind him.

If Gibbs wasn’t leaving, he thought as he drove, he’d just turn down the offer. He’d never wanted to leave Gibbs’ team in the first place being perfectly content to stay on his six until Gibbs did choose to retire…a long, really _really_ long time from now. Sure Vance had mentioned something about turning down the offer not looking good but he didn’t really care about that. The only person whose opinion mattered was Gibbs’ and the day Gibbs told him to go he would, probably leaving not only Gibbs but all of NCIS behind him. Not gonna happen, though, so that dramatic thought was moot.

If Gibbs was leaving, well, it depended on _why_ he was leaving. He couldn’t see Gibbs just retiring but he really hoped that was the case. If it was, then he’d take the job and wish the man well. Tony stared blindly at the red light in front of him. Yeah. Right. Just wish him well… Tony slapped himself on the back of the head and then out of the corner of his eye caught a woman staring at him quizzically from the next car over. He smirked and hit the gas when the light turned green.

He drove a little longer and then pulled to a stop outside of Gibbs’ house accepting that his subconscious would bring him here yet again. It was time to talk to the man in question.

He walked down the stairs to see Gibbs grab a piece of wood from the stack in the corner of the basement. For the new project he’d mentioned at Christmas, no doubt. Gibbs sat down at his workbench and placed a stencil he’d made over the wood. Making some light marks, Gibbs removed the stencil and picked up a small chisel. Tony sat down on the bottom of the steps and looked down at his clasped hands as he considered what he needed to say.

After a bit Tony looked up. He knew Gibbs noted his presence although he never raised his head from the piece of wood he was carving. Tony watched silently and then it struck him that Gibbs was carving a flower into the wood. His heart leapt up into his throat and he couldn’t breathe. He’d only ever seen Gibbs carve flowers once before…for Mike Frank’s casket. He shut his eyes for a minute against the pain that thought brought. He tried to breathe through the vice that was clenching at his chest. When the tidal wave of emotion passed he saw that Gibbs had continued working, unaware of his small death. He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing carefully against the pain. He didn’t really notice when Gibbs had come up to him.

“Hey!” Tony heard at the same time as he felt the slap across the back of his head.

Tony dragged in a harsh breath and glared back at Gibbs. He felt the prickling of tears at the back of his eyes but blinked them back, refusing to let Gibbs see his pain, figuring he probably had enough of his own.

He looked at Gibbs who stared back, his usual inscrutable expression firmly in place. They continued to look at one another, a seeming conversation taking place as they searched one another’s eyes.

“I don’t want to,” Tony whispered, his heart breaking at the thought of leaving Gibbs’ team...of Gibbs leaving him and the knowledge that his cup had been full only because he had Gibbs in his life.

“Then don’t,” Gibbs said harshly but it was obvious he was biting back on his anger. He then blew out a breath, one of resignation it seemed. “The decision is always yours, but it would be better in the long run.”

Tony nodded slightly. _Better in the long run, so that I can take over from you when the time comes. Better so that I can take care of Leyla and Amira the way you’d want me to…_

Tony nodded fully this time; he could do this. It’s what Gibbs wants. Without another word he stood up and turned to slowly walk up the stairs knowing he couldn’t bear to stay and watch Gibbs work on his own casket.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

“Tony…is it true?” Ziva demanded as soon as Tony got to work the next day. She stepped back with a grimace. “You smell of alcohol,” she said and then her eyes narrowed. “You thought to celebrate before even speaking with us?”

Word traveled damned fast, Tony mused as he walked into the bullpen with Ziva trailing along after him. He’d called Vance the night before to accept the offer. They decided he’d finish out the pay period with Gibbs, help McSenior Field Agent settle in and then he’d start transitioning over to Johannsen’s team. He didn’t remember much after that except for throwing his alarm across the room when it went off that morning.

“Yes, my little Special Ninja Agent. I’m taking over Johannsen’s team when he retires and there,” he said as he whirled and then stopped with an arm pointing straight up the stairs to Gibbs and McGee who were returning from Vance’s office, “is your new Senior Field Agent! Let’s give him a round of applause, everybody!” he called out loudly to the people standing around. He got a few chuckles along with a definite round of applause as McGee and Gibbs entered the bullpen.

“Congratulations to you, too, Tony. Your own team…You deserve it!” McGee said and offered some applause of his own.

“Enough!” barked Gibbs almost immediately and then glared at everyone in the room. “Don’t you all have work to do?”

McGee jumped immediately to his desk and Tony assumed he was emailing his girlfriend, Cathy, about his promotion. Ziva, too, was at her computer and was probably emailing Ray. Tony stood for a moment and just looked at Gibbs. He was stiff and angry and he wondered if McGee was aware of it. Probably not, he thought, he was too wrapped up in the latest development. _But you’d better learn how to read the boss fast, McGee, because if you don’t keep him safe for as long as possible I’ll kill you myself…_

Tony grinned when both Abby and Ducky came up later to share their congratulations. There was no doubt about Ducky’s pleasure at the news. Abby, on the other hand, was teary despite her wide smile and he could see that she was of mixed emotions about it all. She didn’t want to see her favorite team break up but knew that it was inevitable. 

Abby gave him yet another teary hug and then looked up into his eyes, her own eyes wide and sincere as she took hold of his lapels. “I’ll do my best work for you, Tony,” she vowed. “Well, next to Gibbs, of course, but it’ll be my next best work next to Gibbs…”

Tony laughed because Abby always did her best for all the teams. Ducky came up and gave both McGee and Tony warm handshakes.

“Two well-deserved promotions, Tony and Timothy. I’m quite sure you’ll both thrive in your new positions.”

“Thanks, Ducky,” McGee said and then glanced at Gibbs and appeared to finally note his glare. “But I’ve got to get to work now,” he said quickly as he slid back behind his desk.

“Yes, yes, of course. You’ve many more responsibilities now but no better person than Tony to show you what needs to be done.” Ducky smiled at everyone and then paused as he gave Gibbs a pointed look. “When you have a moment, Jethro, would you be so good as to come down to Autopsy?”

Gibbs just nodded once and looked down to continue working. Ducky looked at him a bit more and then, with a final smile and wave, left to return to his domain. Abby, too, took that moment for a last hug and trotted off.

Everything settled down quickly after that while Tony walked McGee through some of the reports for which he would now be responsible. Gibbs took that time to go on a coffee run.

Once he was gone, McGee suggested they go out for a celebratory drink after work.

Tony smiled faintly.

“Sure, Tim, but I can’t stay long…got a date,” he said.

“Really?” Ziva asked, jumping in. 

“Yes. Is that so surprising?” Tony tossed off with feigned nonchalance. 

“That would depend on whom you are dating,” Ziva said with a teasing smile.

“If you must know, I’m taking Leyla out to dinner,” Tony answered honestly. 

“You have been seeing Leyla and Amira quite often, Tony,” Ziva said with a saucy look. “Is this becoming serious?”

“It’s just a thank you dinner, Zee-vah,” Tony said as he flipped through some files.

“Thanking her for what, Tony?” asked McGee.

Tony rolled his eyes at his teammates’ nosey questions. “She cooks a lot for both Gibbs and I and, since she was interested in trying out a new restaurant which really doesn’t cater to kids, I offered to take her. That’ll give Gibbs some one-on-one time with Amira.”

“Wow, that’s really nice, Tony,” said McGee.

“I can be nice, you know,” Tony sniffed. 

“Yes, of course you can,” Ziva agreed in honeyed tones but Tony glared at her because her agreement sounded just the opposite. 

“Maybe she’d like to join us for a drink?” McGee suggested but Tony shook his head.

“No one to watch Amira…”

“I’ll watch her,” Gibbs said as he walked into the office. “I’ll just get there early.”

Tony looked at Gibbs and his stomach clenched. At that moment, he hated the thought of all of this, all of the changes. Swallowing thickly, he looked at Gibbs. “Don’t you want to have a drink to McGee…and to me?” he asked.

Gibbs looked at Tony, his eyes dark with something that made Tony just want to say forget it, I’m not taking the job but Gibbs nodded suddenly.

“You’re right. A couple of drinks and then we’ll head over to Leyla’s.”

A muscle twitched in Tony’s cheek and he nodded, too. “Fine,” he said and then dredged a smile from the pit of his stomach.

The day passed quickly and then Tony found himself sipping a beer and accepting congratulations and well-wishes along with McGee. Gibbs never said a word as he sipped his beer. By unspoken agreement they both decided to leave the party after the one beer. They said their good-byes and Gibbs said he’d meet Tony at Leyla’s house. Tony nodded and watched him leave. He was a step behind him but then looked back to see an ecstatic McGee laughing loudly at something someone said, his arm set firmly around Cathy’s shoulder. Ziva, too, was firmly ensconced in Ray’s hold. Abby laughed merrily with Ducky and Jimmy. He had the sudden feeling that the best part of his life was coming to an end. His heart lurched for a moment but then he straightened and turned. Gibbs would be waiting on him and he wouldn’t let him down.

~*~*~

It was Sunday and, as usual, Tony made his way over to Gibbs’ place. He hadn’t seen him since Friday when he’d brought Leyla back home after dinner. They hadn’t spoken much that night, Gibbs still seemingly angry over his acceptance of the job or maybe he was hurting or who knew what it was that made Gibbs a bigger bastard than usual. Regardless of the reason, Tony decided he needed to step back for a bit so he’d spent Saturday taking care of the chores that had piled up during the week. He found, however, that he couldn’t bear to be away from Gibbs right now. He felt like he needed to spend as much time as possible with him, whatever time was left. Without questioning himself further, he’d jumped into his car. 

Tony frowned slightly as he walked into the house. Despite his need to be near Gibbs, he had to steel himself before walking down the basement steps knowing, as he did, on what project Gibbs was working. As he made his way to his usual perch he noted the long boards Gibbs had decided to sand instead of working on the carving that lay on the workbench. 

“Got tired of carving?” he asked as he sat down.

“Hand’s hurt, decided to work on the long pieces,” Gibbs murmured as he fitted a piece of sandpaper to the sanding block.

_Both hands hurt…?_ Tony grimaced and turned away to the bare brick wall next to him, wondering if all of Gibbs’ joints hurt. Once he was sure he had his features under control and that his mask was in place, he turned back to Gibbs with a smile.

“That arthritis has got to be a bitch…” he joked as he stood and came closer.

Gibbs shot him a glare. “Not arthritis,” he growled but didn’t elaborate.

“Then what is it, Gibbs? What’s making your hands hurt?” Tony asked, his voice tight with the effort to not sound as though he was pleading although he’d drop to his knees in a heartbeat if he thought Gibbs would actually answer.

Gibbs just shrugged and turned away, surreptitiously tugging his sleeve down to begin sanding. Nevertheless, Tony’s sharp eyes still saw the bandage before it was covered by the long sleeve of Gibbs’ sweatshirt.

Rebuffed, Tony turned and walked to the workbench and got himself a jar. He quickly downed a shot of scotch and then poured another. He looked back at Gibbs and saw the icy blue eyes staring back.

“A little early for that, isn’t it?”

This time it was Tony’s turn to shrug. He took another sip of the fiery drink and then set the glass down carefully. “Need some help?” he asked instead and then relaxed when he saw Gibbs gesture towards the other sanding block sitting on the workbench. It was already set up with a new strip of sand paper. Tony grinned and left the scotch on the workbench to join Gibbs next to the boards balanced on the sawhorses.

Tony had sanded often enough with Gibbs to know what he should do so he picked up the sanding block and began working. There were two long boards that seemed about the right length for a casket but that were a bit thicker than he would have expected. While he wasn’t sure how it would all go together, he was more concerned about being able to see through the threat of tears in his eyes. He paused in his work to go and take another sip of liquid courage and then rubbed his face. 

“Sawdust,” he murmured and then took another sip. Gibbs didn’t say anything and Tony was grateful because he wanted to be here helping him with this. It felt right, somehow, to do this for the man who meant so much to him. He imagined Gibbs having much the same feelings as he worked on Mike’s casket. It brought about a sense of kinship that he’d never before experienced and despite the pain it brought, he was grateful to be able to do this for Gibbs.

The men worked quietly for a while and Tony found that he was able to settle into the work, the soothing rhythm of sanding easing the anguish he felt. Naturally, Tony began to talk. Also quite naturally, his ramblings turned to movies. He was talking about seeing Alfred Hitchcock’s North by Northwest at the classic film theater downtown. 

“You taking Leyla?” Gibbs asked as he ran his hand over the section he was sanding.

Tony looked down and shrugged. “She’s not really into the old classics…just figured I’d go myself…”

Gibbs was quiet for a moment longer. “Hitchcock’s on your bucket list,” he said.

“Yeah…” Tony murmured. “…wanted to see all of them in the order of their release in one big marathon.”

Gibbs smirked. “That on the real bucket list, too?”

Tony paused in his sanding. “What do you mean ‘real’ bucket list? Of course, that’s my real bucket list…it’s the only bucket list…”

Gibbs looked up from his sanding long enough to look into Tony’s eyes and then smirked again, disbelief obvious in the icy blue eyes. 

Tony sighed. “It’s the real list I take to work. It’s the only one I’ll let McNosey and the rest see.”

Gibbs’ eyebrows rose at the unexpected level of honesty.

“A bucket list is pretty personal, Gibbs.”

“So why bring it to work at all?”

Tony shrugged and resumed his sanding. “Just been on my mind a lot, I guess,” he answered and then paused and looked at Gibbs. “Do you have a bucket list?”

Gibbs rolled his eyes but Tony persisted. “It’s not just frivolous stuff,” he said, unknowingly using the very word Gibbs had applied to the list. “It’s not anything life shattering or heartbreaking if you don’t do them. It’s just stuff that you’d like to look back on and say ‘Yeah, I did that.’”

Gibbs stopped sanding and stood up, a long-suffering expression on his face. “Space tourism is on that list, DiNozzo. How long do you expect to live?”

_Longer than I want to once you’re gone_ , Tony said to himself but then plastered a wide grin on his face. “Okay, that one’s kind of facetious…but there are some real things on there. Come on, Gibbs. Ziva told me your Dad took a trip to Nepal. Are you telling me that there isn’t anything you’d like to look back on and say you did?”

Gibbs looked away for a moment and shrugged. That movement told Tony there was at least one thing.

“See! You did think of something. I tell you what…unless it’s something I can’t help you with, I’d be honored to do some of those things with you, if you’d like.”

Gibbs looked at Tony as though judging the wisdom of the whole thing so Tony put every bit of his desire in his look back and prayed Gibbs wouldn’t say no. 

“Okay, Tony,” Gibbs said softly. “I’ll make up a list if you show me your real one. Then we’ll talk, okay?”

Tony felt his face light up at Gibbs acquiescence but then felt his heart give a lurch. He knew there weren’t _too_ many things on his list – his real list – he couldn’t share with Gibbs. He nodded happily and then both men resumed their work.

~*~*~

Later, after Tony had gone for the evening, Gibbs laughed softly to himself. He’d help Tony get through his list. He hoped it’d help settle him down even more to be able to cross some things off. Plus he’d have the benefit of spending some more time with Tony, away from his basement and work. 

Deciding to clean up for the night, he reached for the sanding block Tony had left on the bench. His sleeve caught on the bandage he wore on his arm and he thought of the small injury he’d given himself. He’d been thinking of Tony going out with Leyla and, despite all of his best intentions, he had still felt a flash of jealousy. Such a strong one, in fact, that he’d slipped with the chisel and cut a gash in his arm. 

Deciding to spend more time with Tony was a double-edged sword. While it was what he wanted, more than anything, if truth be told, it would also make it that much harder to pull back whenever Leyla or whatever other woman Tony got involved with demanded more of his time. But if anything deserved to be on his bucket list, spending more time with Tony was definitely it. He just hoped he didn’t live to regret this decision.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The following Tuesday night, Tony made his way back over to Gibbs’ place. He had his list in his pocket but was still unsure if he’d made the right decision by not editing it before coming over. Gibbs said that he wanted to talk about it but Tony was sure he didn’t mean _every single item_. In the end, he’d decided to leave it as-is, knowing they’d focus only on those things they could do together. He walked into Gibbs house fully expecting Gibbs to be down in the basement. Instead, he found him in the kitchen grabbing some plates. There were several cartons of Chinese food on the table. 

Gibbs lifted his chin in greeting and then gestured to the table. Tony smiled and went to the fridge for a couple of beers and then sat down. Gibbs joined him a moment later with cutlery. They ate in companionable silence for a bit, occasionally talking about McGee and Tony’s impressions of his new team.

Finally, they took fresh beers into the living room and sat down. Without discussion, they handed one another their lists. Tony looked at the very short list and felt a pang of sadness roll through him at the first item.

1\. Build another boat

He very carefully let out a pained breath. While he wasn’t sure exactly how long it had taken for Gibbs to build his last boat, it was several years in the making at the very least. He didn’t know how much time Gibbs had left but he decided at that moment that no matter how long it had taken, it’d be at least half as long if he helped. With a small nod to himself, he looked at the next item and smiled.

2\. Sail to the Bahamas.

While it would be preferable, no doubt, to sail to the Bahamas in a boat he’d built himself, Tony was sure that it’d be the trip itself that was most important. Plus, since he knew how to sail, he’d make damn sure that it’d be a memorable trip. He looked at the rest of the list.

3\. Abby’s wedding.

4\. Forgive him.

5\. See him happy.

Tony looked at number three and read quietly, “Abby’s wedding?” He raised his eyebrows at Gibbs who shrugged. If Abby ever decided to get married, he always figured she’d ask her brother to give her away.

Gibbs didn’t answer so Tony decided he needed a bit more time to read through his list, or think about it, or whatever thoughts were going on behind that inscrutable mask. Slightly nervous, Tony decided he’d give Gibbs a little bit of space.

“Another one?” he asked and got a short nod in return. Relieved, Tony high-tailed it to the kitchen. 

~*~*~

Gibbs watched him go and although he was grateful for Tony’s sensitivity, his thoughts weren’t on Tony right now. His thoughts were on his number three: Abby’s wedding. How could he say that of all the things he regretted, and with Shannon and Kelly there were so damn many, one of the deepest ones was never being able to share that moment with Shannon where they watched their little girl get married. He’d actually dreamt of walking her down the aisle when she was little. The dreams had varied, of course, depending on what was going on in their lives but, generally, they were happy dreams of bright futures. There was the one where he felt pure joy at the happiness in her eyes as she looked at her new husband. Sadder was the one where he felt loss as she left one part of her life for another. Of course, there was also the angry dream where she chose a man unworthy of her.

It had been a long time since he’d had those dreams but, somewhere along the line, he’d had a dream or two of being there when Abby got married. While it was true that he wouldn’t be able to walk her down the aisle, he’d still be there watching her, loving her, and knowing that she wouldn’t mind if he momentarily imagined a young woman with auburn hair and freckles in her place.

~*~*~

Tony returned a moment later. He saw that Gibbs eyes, while still somewhat pained, had lightened a bit. He guessed that the wedding thing might have something to do with Kelly. He nodded to him in understanding. Tony looked down at the list again and decided to leave the last two alone…just as he hoped Gibbs wouldn’t question those similar items on his list. 

Gibbs was still looking at the list he held in his hands and Tony knew he was focusing on the notable differences between this list and the one he had at work. 

“You’re afraid of the dark?”

Tony blushed and ducked his head. Yup, good old number three. He’d told himself that he’d answer truthfully about any of the items Gibbs chose to question, but it was a bit harder than he’d imagined.

“I…uh…told you a bit about my…” Tony paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “…my father,” Tony began and he paused again when he saw Gibbs’ expression become thunderous. His eye twitched a bit but he lifted his chin, determined to answer whatever Gibbs chose to ask.

“Where?” Gibbs growled.

Tony shrugged as though the answer was inconsequential. “Closet, basement…”

Gibbs stared off into the distance for a moment. “Atlas?”

Tony smirked softly. Of course Gibbs would wonder about those situations on the job where it might have affected their case. It didn’t bother him, though, because Gibbs was right to question him on this. The job came first and if he had an issue that would prevent him from performing, Gibbs needed to know.

“Never bothered me on the job, Gibbs.” Tony gave a minute shrug of his shoulders. “I knew you would be coming to get me.”

Gibbs nodded once, decisively. It meant an unequivocal _Damn Right_.

Tony again smiled softly in complete understanding and gratitude. He looked at the list in Gibbs’ hand and realized that he really should have edited it.

“I should’ve crossed off number 19. That one’s done…and I guess I should cross off number 26,” Tony said and then added softly. “That one never will be.”

Gibbs looked down at the list in his hand. Tony knew it by heart and could picture it in his mind. 

1\. Become a Master of something, damnit.  
2\. Drive a 1965 Aston Martin DB5 like the one in _Goldfinger_.  
3\. Get over fear of the dark.  
4\. Catch a shark.  
5\. See the Northern Lights.  
6\. Meet Tom Selleck.  
7\. Write letter to Roger Ebert re: his reviews of _Full Metal Jacket_ and _Benji the Hunted_.  
8\. Parasailing.  
9\. The luge.  
10\. Tell Dad it’s NOT okay.  
11\. Watch all Hitchcock films in order of release (including both versions of _The Man Who Knew Too Much_ ), pausing only for bathroom breaks.  
12\. Experience a Wonder of the World (besides Gibbs).  
13\. Learn to play the bass.  
14\. Kick McGee’s butt at some video game.  
15\. Set up sports scholarship  
16\. Attend Carnival in Rio de Janeiro.  
17\. Get and pass on Gibbs’ recipe for steak.  
18\. Visit Bogie’s grave.  
19\. Discuss Paris.  
20\. Give a motivational half-time speech.  
21\. Ride on the Orient Express.  
22\. Explore Italy with  
23\. Scuba dive in the Bahamas.  
24\. Let friends get closer.  
25\. Tell him.  
26\. Tell her.  
27\. 

“I think I’ll enjoy doing some of these with you, Tony,” Gibbs said after a moment. “Some of these other ones, like 13 and 14, you’re on your own,” he stated. “And for the record, I’m no Wonder of the World, DiNozzo.”

Tony laughed softly and then got excited at Gibbs’ next words.

“Got some ideas for some of these…”

They planned and talked for the rest of the evening…up until Tony started backpedaling at one of Gibbs’ ideas. His backpedaling that night was nothing, however, compared to what he went through the day Gibbs dragged him to Pennsylvania.

“Gibbs, I’ve changed my mind. I think hypnosis or maybe talking to a psychologist might do the trick!” Tony suggested desperately when Gibbs took him to one of the caves he used to explore as a kid. 

“You know when you first suggested this, I looked into spelunking and I figured we’d go to Laurel Caverns or…or Coral Caverns, Boss, you know, maybe check out an ancient sea monster or something…”

“Can it, DiNozzo. I know these caves like the back of my hand…”

“But what if you fall or something happens… _I_ don’t know these caves…!”

Tony was scared…flat-out terrified. He could feel the sweat on his face, knew that Gibbs was staring at him but he seemed to understand because he reached out with one hand and grasped Tony by the back of the neck. 

“Not gonna let anything happen to you. And we aren’t going in alone,” he said softly.

Suddenly Tony wasn’t sure if that was a better option. He wasn’t sure he wanted anyone else to see him if he started panicking.

“We’re meeting a friend of mine. He works with people who have fears.”

“A shrink! You’re bringing along a shrink! _Gibbs!_ ” Tony said not caring that he was now whining.

A lightning-fast hand moved from Tony’s nape to the back of his head which worked, for the most part. But something in Gibbs’ eyes said he could do this, and that he had faith in him. That look settled the last of the quivering Tony could feel in his gut. He swallowed again and then nodded minutely. The proud look Gibbs shot him eased him even more and he felt himself standing a bit taller. He could do this.

Later that night, after Gibbs practically poured an exhausted Tony into his hotel bed, Tony was able to look at Gibbs with his own small, proud smile. 

“Thanks, Gibbs,” he said softly and got a warm smile in return.

“You did good, Tony,” Gibbs answered and Tony had to agree. It had gotten kind of hairy a couple of times but Gibbs’ friend, Dr. Scott Shields, just talked him through each moment and helped him with the coping mechanisms he’d taught him before going in. What really helped was having Gibbs there. The occasional warm touch and supportive comments eased him through the worst moments. His success at coping helped build up his confidence enough so that, by the end of the trip, Tony was handling it all by himself. While he couldn’t exactly say that he was enjoying the experience itself, he knew with a deep surety, that he could cross number three off of his list. Wrung out from the emotions of the day, Tony was asleep in seconds.

~*~*~

Tony decided at the last minute to stop in to see Gibbs. It was kind of late after his visit with Leyla and Amira and they did have to work in the morning, but he had something on his mind. With their heavy work schedule and considering the time they put in on some of their cases, he wondered if it was fair to pursue a personal relationship with Leyla. Maybe he could move closer to her and just be there if she needed him. He wasn’t sure, though, if that was enough. Maybe it made a difference to just be in the same house at some point. He kept thinking back to their Christmas dinner and the conversation that had taken place that night. Those comments, though, came from people who’d never really experienced the separations _after_ a commitment was made. He really only knew of one person who had.

It didn’t surprise him to see Gibbs still up at this late hour. Nor did it surprise him to see the glass of bourbon at his elbow. Gibbs didn’t raise his head as he sat down. He rarely did but somehow always knew it was him. Maybe it was an odds thing; he being the one to most often inhabit this particular step while visiting…but then, he doubted Fornell sat on any steps when he came over. He looked down for a moment, Fornell forgotten as his thoughts returned to Leyla and the hours he put in on the job.

“The long hours…kind of did in three of your marriages,” he said suddenly. He saw Gibbs pause in his work although he still didn’t raise his head.

“Yeah,” came the answer as Gibbs continued chiseling out a flower.

“So how did…you know…Shannon…handle you being gone so much?” Tony almost winced as he asked the question but forged ahead anyway. He really wanted to know. Scratch that…he _needed_ to know.

“She knew she was marrying a Marine,” Gibbs said and then stopped to take a sip from his cup which told Tony he wasn’t drinking coffee. Coffee he gulped.

Tony smiled faintly. “I guess that’s the key, then…finding someone who gets that…”

“No…” Gibbs answered after a bit and then pushed away the wood he was working on to pull a sheet of paper towards him. “The key is finding someone who gets _you_.”

Gibbs reached over for a t-square and penciled in a straight line. Tony watched quietly from the steps, leaning forward on his knees as he thought about Gibbs’ words. Somehow he just couldn’t see that as being enough. It hadn’t been enough for Wendy. While she accepted the long hours and the constant worry that was the lot of being involved with a cop, they had argued a few times over missed plans when he’d worked overtime once he became a detective. And the undercover work? That was something he found he really couldn’t talk to her about at all. He felt a dawning realization that it would have been exactly the same with Jeanne if he’d told her the truth about himself…and if she’d actually accepted it. 

He gave a small huff. He’d been right to cut Jeanne loose, he decided, no matter how much it hurt him to do that. Neither woman had been exactly right for him. But what if he did find the right one? No matter what, this job was a tough one and it’d be tough on anyone he hooked up with.  
“That made the weeks and months alone easier?” Tony asked as he imagined Shannon sitting alone in a darkened living room after having put Kelly to bed. Maybe she had a glass of wine or maybe tea. Yeah, he could see her sipping tea in the dark and wondering what her husband was doing.

Gibbs was silent for quite awhile and Tony wondered if he’d crossed too far over the line.

“No,” Gibbs finally said as he stared off into the distance for a moment. Then he set down the square and began annotating measurements to the side of his drawing. “Just made the time we spent together better.” 

“You know, both Breena and Cathy said something similar,” Tony said as he fiddled with the sleeve of his coat. 

“Two smart ladies,” Gibbs agreed as he continued working.

“Leyla’s like that…accepts whatever time I can spend with her. Doesn’t demand more than I can give her.”

Gibbs remained silent. Tony just nodded and then stood up. He turned and took a step up. He didn’t bother saying goodbye. He never did when it was time to go. Gibbs just accepted whatever he did. He looked back at Gibbs but he didn’t look up from the drawings he was working on. Tony gave him a faint smile and then left to go home.

~*~*~

Gibbs heard Tony leave and then sighed. Tony’s questions had thrown him a bit, so much so that he had to stop carving. He decided to work on his drawing instead if Tony insisted on asking painful questions. Pencil lines were a hell of a lot easier to erase than having to deal with gouges in his arm because he’d let his thoughts get away from him while working with sharp tools. That’s what had happened before; the whole thought of Tony leaving his team had him so worked up he’d slipped with the wood gouge and cut a slice into his arm. Fortunately, he had everything cleaned up by the time Tony had walked in. 

He stood and went back to the workbench and grabbed the bottle knowing he wouldn’t be able to work anymore that night. As much as he hated it, Ducky had been right to worry about him, he thought. Here Tony was doing exactly what he’d planned. He was seeing Leyla and worrying about her being alone when he was working. Tony sounded as though he’d found what he needed. _Good job, Gunny_ , Gibbs nodded to himself and took a swig straight from the bottle. Yup, he did his duty…and it was killing him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Tony smiled as he sat opposite Leyla in the restaurant. She was concentrating which made a cute little wrinkle form in her forehead as she tasted the various Indian dishes and tried to determine what spices were used. Tony laughed when she wrinkled her nose at a dish she didn’t care for and then offered her a taste of another that he thought she’d prefer. 

He looked at her, saw the light shining in her dark hair, saw the candlelight reflecting in her large, dark eyes and thought that she really was a beautiful woman. She had a very subtle sense of humor which sometimes caught him by surprise and then she’d laugh in her low, throaty way that was really very sensual. What he liked best, though, was how gentle she was. She seemed to radiate a sense of calm. Just being around her calmed him in a way that he found he desperately needed because, God knows, it was work appearing calm around Gibbs right now. 

Tony listened while she talked about finding success at selling the jewelry she made. She had three boutiques interested in carrying her goods which was a very good start. As she spoke he thought about her. Leyla is a good woman, he thought, strong in her quiet way. She was also a great cook, a wonderful mother. She was extremely supportive and patient...something he knew for a fact when you considered that she’d looked after Mike Franks and he had to be the hardest man to get along with that Tony could ever imagine. 

When it came to Amira, well, she was just a wonderful little girl. It may have taken a bit, but Tony was pretty comfortable around her now. He knew more about taking care of her, too, thanks to some research and figured that even if he didn’t always understand what was going on with her, the main thing was that he’d learned to go with the flow with kids because they were all different, they all reacted differently. When you had the time to get to know them you learned to deal with that reaction, you prepared for it. When you didn’t have the time, then you did the best you could and then picked up the pieces later. Fortunately, he had time with Amira and, from what he’d learned, Nathan’s Aunt was picking up the pieces okay. He was good with that.

Yes, Leyla was a wonderful woman and he found that he really did care for her. Maybe this could work out, he thought, but knew he was being unfair to her. Leyla knew what it was to truly love someone. She’d followed the man she loved despite her family’s disapproval. Traveling in a crate, she was smuggled into the country with her infant daughter only to find out upon her arrival that her husband had been killed. Later, she moved to Mexico with her father-in-law only to have to evade an attempt on her and her daughter’s life. Everything she’d been through attested to her strength and the love she bore her family. She was an incredible woman and Tony figured he would be relying on her strength in the coming months. 

Tony looked down at his glass. It was filled about one third of the way with the wine he and Leyla had been sharing with their dinner. One-third full…is that what he had now? And was that because of what he had with Gibbs in the basement or because of Leyla? He honestly didn’t know, but if he compared this glass with his work glass, the work glass would still be closer to being full. He blew out a small breath and then smiled at something else Leyla said and then wished with all of his heart that he could fall in love with her. It would make everything so much easier. The only problem was that she deserved so much more than to be hooked up with someone whose heart was already taken.

~*~*~

Tony smiled his thanks to Marco Saltini, his SFA, when he brought the requested files over for them to review. 

“You’re welcome, Godfather,” Marco quipped.

Tony rolled his eyes at his swarthy SFA, positive that it was Marco spreading the new moniker for his team…The NCIS Mafia. 

“Just a joke, Chief…especially since Marina can’t get off the pot,” he continued as he returned to his desk, earning a snort from Larry Marcucci, the second member of the team and also of Italian descent, though he was from Massachusetts.

Marina Saunders, their petite blonde probie, shot Marco a withering glare. Marco had been giving her a hard time since she’d mentioned that she might not change her name once she got married. Tony had listened with some concern the more Marco teased her until he’d finally felt a need to pull Marco aside to find out exactly what his problem was. He did not need a member of his team having some traditionalist view of women that could cause problems later on. Tony was pleased to learn that Marco had no such issues with the only female member of his team. In fact, he was surprised when Marco had chosen to call out to Marina from the corner where he’d confronted Marco, bringing her into the conversation. 

“Hey, Marina…how ‘bout you tell da Chief why you can’t decide if you wanna change your name when you get married?” he called out, his Bronx accent obviously deliberately heavier than normal and drawing out the word ‘married’ in a way that made Marina roll her eyes.

Tony’s eyes narrowed but then he smiled when Marina smiled and blushed before looking away. “What?” he asked.

“Special Agent Marina Farina…I tink it’s gotta nice ring to it, don’ chu?”

Tony had to bite down hard to keep from laughing. He let Marco go and looked at Marina to see her grinning back at him and he walked back to his desk, grateful that he had a team that got along so well. They were all good agents, too. Johannsen had trained them well but now that he was on terminal leave, Tony had taken full control of the reins. It felt good, he realized, to be in charge once again. He truly had been ready despite the fact that he’d been more than happy to continue working for Gibbs. But, what was done was done, and it would probably all work out for the best both at work and off-duty. 

Tony sighed as opened up the folder Marco had brought him but the case file didn’t hold his attention as he thought instead of the date he had with Leyla that evening. They’d been going out regularly and were having a good time together but somehow they hadn’t progressed further than a few kisses at the end of the evening. He thought back to Jeanne. When she’d questioned him about how slowly they were moving in their relationship, he’d answered that if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. Even now he wasn’t sure if that answer had been a part of his cover or if he’d been fooling himself into thinking that they actually had a future together once reality reared its head. He shook his head slightly and forcibly pushed back the thought that dating Leyla was exactly like being undercover again.

He looked up when he heard Gibbs barking orders at his new probie, tension automatically building across his shoulders as he waited for some type of response that would indicate how long this one would last. It was then he heard McGee jumping in and saying something in too low a voice to hear. Whatever it was seemed to have worked because he next heard Gibbs say “Well, then, go do it!” in a tone that Tony knew meant Tim had successfully derailed whatever situation had been building to a head. 

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. There’d been so many times where he wanted to go over and help…but it wasn’t his place. Fortunately, McGee was finally stepping up to the plate just like he was supposed to and making Tony proud in the process. It seemed, though, that Gibbs was worse than ever. McGee said it was just like when Tony had still been Agent Afloat after Gibbs had gotten the rest of them back. Tony remembered McGee’s overwhelming relief upon his return, which he’d laughed at then. It made sense now. _Gotta hang in there, McGoo, ‘cos I’m not going to come back this time… Well, not as a buffer between him and you…_ Rubbing a hand over his face he pushed that thought away, too, as the list of Things-That-Are-Not-To-Be-Contemplated continued to grow.

At least Ziva seemed to accept McGee as her SFA a lot better than she had him and Tony wondered if her coming wedding didn’t have something to do with that. Between work and the seemingly millions of wedding details, she was apparently too busy to give McGee too hard a time despite the stress of working things out with her father enough for him to participate in her wedding. He was pretty sure that would change, though, when things settled down after all the hoopla was over with. Ziva was not one to simply do as she was told. It was her nature to question and challenge those around her and while Tony could appreciate that aspect of her personality, he was just as glad to not have to deal with it anymore. 

Another side benefit of Ziva’s wedding plans was that, since she had few female friends (okay, make that none) besides Abby, she asked that Abby be her Maid of Honor. This was such a thrill for his best friend that she’d been in an absolute tizzy trying to help Ziva out with the details. As much as Tony loved Abby, he had to admit he really didn’t need her fluttering around him when he was trying to sort so much out in his head, especially since her exceedingly sharp eyes and even sharper mind figured way too much out already. Plus, since Gibbs hadn’t said word one about what was going on to _him_ (and he’d like to think he’d handle bad news sooo much better than Abby), he doubted Gibbs would have said anything to Abby. Her preoccupation with Ziva’s wedding would, hopefully, keep her natural inquisitiveness at bay and grant Gibbs the privacy he so obviously needed. 

Tony heard Gibbs bark that he was heading towards Autopsy and he felt a lurch in his stomach. Gibbs wasn’t looking too good lately but still wasn’t saying anything about his health no matter how often Tony had brought the subject up. In his tried and true way of dealing with issues he had no desire to discuss, he simply didn’t respond to questions or comments. He did, however, drink. Tony had replaced the bottle of scotch he kept for himself in Gibbs’ basement and he could tell that Gibbs had replaced his bourbon more often than that because Tony had surreptitiously marked the labels with small scratches just so that he could keep track. He just wished he knew if the alcohol was helping or hindering whatever ailed Gibbs.

“Looks like McGee took a page outta your book, too, Chief,” Marco said from his desk.

Tony looked up and grinned. Marco had once asked him how in the hell he’d put up with Gibbs for so long. Tony had just shrugged and said it’s what a good SFA does so he’d better take note. Marco had just grinned and answered, “Noted.”

With a shrug, Tony returned to his file.

~*~*~

“It rather sounds like a case of being hoist with your own petard, Jethro,” Ducky said and then tsked when he saw the blood pressure readings. 

“Don’t start, Duck,” Jethro warned when he saw his old friend’s expression. The only reason he was down in Autopsy letting Ducky check him over was because Ducky had threatened forced medical leave if he failed to show.

“This is utterly ridiculous, Jethro! He responded to your machinations and now you are realizing that you made an error in judgment.”

“Not an error, Ducky. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. I don’t have any say in it. Besides, what the hell does that have to do with him asking what’s wrong with me?”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” Ducky asked sternly. “You are pale and losing more weight than is wise. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Tony has been noting the amount of bourbon you’ve been drinking rather than eating…and as for sleeping? Do not even being to attempt to tell me that alcohol-induced unconsciousness is remotely akin to getting actual, _restful_ sleep! I know you, Leroy Jethro Gibbs. You put something in motion that you felt was best for everyone without putting yourself into the equation at all.”

“He deserves a good life and if she can give it to him. I’m not gonna stand in their way.”

“Really…and what do you call immersing yourself even more deeply with Tony as you both work on that list of his? All I am saying, Jethro, is that if you want him to be happy, don’t destroy that happiness by hurting yourself. It will negate all of your efforts in the long run.”

Gibbs sighed. He knew Ducky was right and not only about Tony. He was making life damn difficult for Tim, too, and he certainly didn’t deserve any of it. Without another word, he put his shirt and jacket back on and then left Autopsy without a backward glance.

~*~*~

“What are we doing, Tony?” Leyla asked one evening as they toyed with their desserts. They’d been actually dating for a few weeks now although Tony had only kissed her a few times. Her outright shock the first time made him step back in surprise and he assumed he’d crossed some line based on her upbringing. After that he’d given her only pecks but he’d still gotten the impression that he was moving too fast for someone who’d been raised as she had been. So, okay, maybe none of his usual dating techniques were going to work here but he was determined. So, if women didn’t really ‘date’ in her country the way they did here, what was he supposed to do? He didn’t know if he was crossing any boundaries because it wasn’t as though she was a young virgin living in her father’s house, but then, there wasn’t much by way of research into the subject, either. He’d looked. But she was trying…he thought. Otherwise, why was she still seeing him? All he knew for sure was that the last few weeks brought on some serious déjà vu because it was as though he was undercover again and, just like with Jeanne, he didn’t see how this could possibly turn out well. 

“Trying to decide how much exercise it’s going to take to work off this very decadent death-by-chocolate dessert…” Tony answered facetiously as he licked another small tidbit from his fork. He figured it was a better answer than admitting that he had absolutely no idea. He contemplated another bite but decided against it since that last bite, along with the rest of his dinner, was sitting in a lump in his belly. 

Leyla gave Tony a gentle smile. “I believe you understand what I am asking. I thought at first I understood the reason for our time together, but it is becoming clear to me that, perhaps, I do not. Why are you asking to be with me like this? I know that you care for both Amira and I but not, I believe, as a man cares for a woman. So, I ask you…why?”

Tony blew out a breath. He thought he was pulling this off alright, but apparently not. Leyla was too smart a lady. Tony sighed and gave her a rueful smile. “I am…trying…to fulfill a promise.”

“A promise to whom, Tony?”

At that Tony smiled and sighed. He’d pulled off the undercover op with Jeanne for a lot longer and she’d never suspected there was more to their dating. Leyla, on the other hand, had seen more of life. She wasn’t the innocent that Jeanne had been and Tony again felt a pang of sorrow for what he’d done to her. 

Still smiling although he knew there was no humor in it, Tony looked at Leyla. She was gorgeous tonight with her hair piled up in soft curls, the red of her gown perfect against her dark skin. He’d been trying to figure out if he could fulfill Gibbs’ desires without ruining this beautiful woman’s life, which is what he thought her hooking up with him would do. Who, after all, wanted to be with someone who loved someone else? Leyla deserved so much more. Well, it looked like the point was moot, now, since she was the one pulling the plug on the whole thing. He felt a rush of relief quickly followed by a measure of guilt, despite knowing it was better this way. Regardless, it was time to come clean.

“It was a promise to myself. I swore I’d do whatever Gibbs needed me to do before…” Tony paused and cleared his throat. “…before he reached a point where he couldn’t.”

Leyla cocked her head to one side and searched Tony’s eyes and then shook her head slowly. “Tony, I like you very much. You are funny and generous. Jethro cares for you deeply and I believe that is why he wanted you and I to spend more time together.”

Tony nodded slowly but remained quiet, confused now because it sounded as though Leyla was back to thinking they should get together. He really didn’t understand women. 

“But I think our time together is so that we may decide if we like one another enough to be a family.”

Tony smiled gently although disappointment raged through him. Apparently Leyla did understand everything already and agreed. He sighed silently and nodded in agreement, too.

“While it is not accepted in my country, I have learned that loving a person is not about religion or color of skin. But, I think…that it is not about gender, either.”

Tony stopped nodding. “What?”

“You love Jethro, correct?”

Tony’s mouth dropped open. “Wait a minute…”

“So I will tell Jethro that you have my blessing.”

Tony shook his head and then ran a hand over his shocked face. “I have your blessing? Blessing for what?” 

Leyla’s smile grew wider. “I believe we need to speak with Jethro.”

Tony signaled for the check. “Can Jethro explain what’s going on in your head?”

Leyla laughed. “Perhaps.”

The trip back to Leyla’s house was very enlightening for Tony. 

“So you’re saying Gibbs isn’t sick.”

“Not to my knowledge, but I do know that he hasn’t been caring for himself properly. Mike told me when he became seriously ill. I believe Jethro would do the same.”

Tony was quiet the rest of the way home although his fury was mounting. _Why the hell is Gibbs getting involved in my life like this? And what about Leyla? If he‘s not DYING, what the hell made him think that Leyla and I would be good together? The only thing we have in common is loving an arrogant, all-knowing, Gibbs’-way-or-the-highway BASTARD who has no right to dictate other people’s lives! I’m such an idiot! Even broke a rule: Never assume; always verify! But how in the hell was I going to do that when that BASTARD DOESN’T TALK!!_

Tony was fuming as he pulled into the driveway and then stepped out of the car to open Leyla’s door. When they entered, they found Gibbs reading quietly in a recliner in the living room.

“Amira’s asleep,” Gibbs said as he placed a bookmark into the book. 

Tony glared at him. There were things he wanted to say but he didn’t want to have this conversation in front of Leyla, certainly not in a house where there was a sleeping child.

“Give you a lift home, Gibbs?” Tony asked tightly and Gibbs raised his eyebrow.

“Got my truck,” he said and then gathered his coat.

“We need to talk,” Tony said, his voice still taut with fury.

Gibbs just nodded and then bent and kissed Leyla on the cheek. Both men left in their respective vehicles and drove to Gibbs’ house.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Although they arrived at about the same time Tony was out of his car as soon as they stopped, his long legs taking him into Gibbs’ house before Gibbs was out of his truck. Gibbs followed but when he got in, he found that Tony wasn’t waiting for him in the living room. Then he realized that Tony had gone down to the basement. He trotted down the stairs and found Tony downing a cup of scotch. He wondered if it was the first or the second in those few seconds’ lead-time Tony had over him. He made his way over to stand in front of Tony.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Tony turned to him, the cup still in his hand, and Gibbs saw that he was practically vibrating although when he answered, his voice was steady.

“Had an interesting conversation with Leyla. She’s a great lady, you know? Wait a minute…of course you know. That’s why you want me to take care of her after you’re gone, right?”

Gibbs frowned. He had absolutely no idea what the hell Tony was talking about...especially since he wasn’t going anywhere. Gibbs saw Tony’s eyes narrow in mounting anger which added to Gibbs’ confusion. 

“You know…when you get **really** sick,” Tony bit out through clenched jaws.

“What in the hell are you talking about, DiNozzo? Is that what all those questions were about?”

“You’re not dying,” Tony stated quietly.

“ **Dying**? Where’d you get that fool idea?”

Tony huffed out a small laugh, nodded, and gently placed the cup down on the workbench. His right hand closed into a fist. Then, in a lightning fast burst of movement, he punched Gibbs right in the jaw.

Gibbs flew backwards to fall on the cement floor next to his workbench but Tony followed him as he fell. He leaned over him, his breath hissing through clenched teeth, and growled, “Why’d you set me up with my own team? And pushing me towards Leyla? What the HELL, GIBBS!” 

Gibbs sat up slowly and rubbed his jaw, moving it carefully because from the way it felt, he wasn’t sure Tony hadn’t busted it. He packed one hell of a punch. _Not broke_ , he thought as he looked up at the furious man leaning over him and knew he had to stay calm despite the confused anger building up inside of him, too. Tony still had his hands balled into fists and Gibbs wondered if he was going to swing again.

“All that’s true…just figured it was a few years down the line,” Gibbs said carefully with minimal movement of his mouth. He looked up into the livid green eyes and saw the pain that was there, too. He knew in that instant that Tony was done…at least with the punches. It didn’t come as a surprise to see a hand held out to help him up despite Tony’s still-blazing anger. Once he was up, Tony whirled away to stare at the brick wall. Gibbs could see his back heaving as he sucked in breath after breath as though he’d just run a marathon. He waited, giving them both time to cool off.

He watched warily as Tony stared at the wall. He saw Tony sway a bit, as though being buffeted by a strong wind…or strong emotions. His hands were still fisted and Gibbs doubted that it was anger alone that Tony was feeling. He waited. After a bit, Tony turned his head to one side but didn’t turn around.

“So what are you building if it’s not a casket?” Tony asked, his voice much quieter but still harsh with pent-up emotion. 

Gibbs felt his breath leave his body. “You…you thought you were helping me build my own **casket**?” he gasped out in shock. He was aghast as memories assailed him of Tony with reddened eyes showing a hint of tears and blaming the sawdust, Tony with his voice thick and covering it with a cough but persevering because Gibbs said he needed to get the job finished… Gibbs closed his eyes against an onslaught of memories of what he’d gone through while building his final tribute for his old friend, Mike. But he’d done it alone, alternately cursing or crying as the need arose. He couldn’t imagine doing the same thing with Mike working alongside him…and having to stifle whatever emotions resulted.

“Tony…” he choked and stepped forward to grab him by the arms. He squeezed Tony’s biceps, his chest tight in shock and sorrow over the thought of what Tony must have been going through, what he was willing to do for him at who knew what cost to himself. Gently, Gibbs turned Tony so that he was facing him and then looked into the tortured, tear-filled green eyes and saw what the cost to Tony truly had been. He put a hand up to cup Tony’s cheek, shaking his head slowly in sorrow, in apology. What he’d done for Mike was one thing but he’d never expected anyone to do that for him. That Tony had made his heart ache with gratitude and love and a myriad of other emotions he couldn’t put a name to. Chief among them, though, was sorrow for having unknowingly put Tony through that. With no words to convey what he was feeling, he just pulled Tony towards him and wrapped his arms around him.

“Ahh, Tony…” Gibbs murmured as he held Tony tight.

Apparently his touch shattered what little control Tony had. He dropped his head and moaned and then sucked in a ragged breath. 

“DiNozzo’s don’t cry…” Tony whispered harshly but it sounded more like an admonition to himself than a statement to Gibbs. 

“I’ve got your six,” Gibbs said softly. Then, when he wrapped his arms around him, Tony shuddered and then fisted his hands in Gibb’s jacket and pushed his head into Gibbs’ shoulder, holding on as a sob tore its way out of his throat only to be quickly followed by another. How long, Gibbs wondered, had Tony been holding all of this in? Long time, probably. Jesus…all this time…thinking that he was dying…

“So sorry, Tony…not going anywhere…staying right here with you, sweetheart…” Gibbs held onto Tony’s shaking form and continued to whisper soft apologies and low endearments that at any other time would never have left his lips, words that came so naturally now. 

It took a long time but, finally, Tony pushed himself back a bit. “You broke a rule…”

“Not a rule here, not for this…I am sorry you went through that,” Gibbs said quietly, sincerely.

Tony nodded. He was a sodden, dripping mess and Gibbs could see shame on the beautiful face even though Tony refused to look up. Without losing his hold on Tony, Gibbs reached over for a somewhat clean work rag and shoved it into Tony’s hand. Tony chuckled wetly and wiped at his face and nose and then grimaced. Gibbs followed his eyes to his own shoulder to see the mess Tony had left there. 

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Gibbs murmured. He still had one arm wrapped around Tony’s shoulder and his other hand had found its way to Tony’s nape. He rubbed his thumb across the soft skin there, felt the brush of short hair. He had no inclination to move away. Eventually, though, Tony took a deep breath and stepped back forcing Gibbs’ arms to drop. When he did, Gibbs felt a rush of cold air and immediately felt bereft. He longed for the warmth of Tony’s body back in his arms.

“Okay, so explain this to me,” Tony said, determination in his reddened eyes. “Why push me towards Leyla if you don’t need me to take care of her?”

Gibbs took a deep breath. “It was obvious you were looking for more in your life. I told you that you wouldn’t find it in my basement. I was trying to help.”

“What, so you’re a yenta now?” Tony asked incredulously.

Gibbs rolled eyes but remained quiet for a while. Finally, he asked, “How **do** you feel about Leyla?”

Tony sighed. “I care for her, Jethro. I really do. I’d have made a good life for her and Amira but, well, I tried. I honestly did, but I don’t love her and she deserves to be with someone who loves her. What’s more, she doesn’t feel that way about me, either. In fact, she’s the one who questioned what I was doing with her. She’s a smart, wonderful woman, Gibbs, but she’s not…right…for me.”

Gibbs nodded and then shrugged but it was obvious that Tony wasn’t satisfied.

“There’s more to this than you just worrying about me finding a good woman. I think you owe me a full answer.” 

Gibbs blew out a breath and then looked away but knew Tony wasn’t going to be put off with silence. Besides, Tony was right. He did owe him. He turned back to Tony.

“I like having you here.”

Tony’s mouth dropped open at the admission and a smile slowly grew across his face but that brief statement, while apparently making Tony happy, still didn’t answer the question. “More,” he prompted.

Gibbs glared and then winced as his jaw complained about his expression but Tony just raised his eyebrows and waited.

“Some other woman wouldn’t want you spending your time here. I like you here. Leyla wouldn’t have minded.”

Tony smiled again but more gently this time. “Okay.”

“Just okay?”

Tony shrugged and smiled. “Come on, gotta ice that jaw.” He turned and headed for the stairs.

Gibbs frowned and then winced again and then took a few steps but paused when Tony stopped on the stairs and turned around.

“So what **are** you building?”

“It’s a bed frame for Amira. The flowers go on the headboard.”

Tony chuckled ruefully and shook his head as he stared at the bed. Gibbs got the feeling that he thought they were both idiots. Gibbs had to agree. He looked back at his project, too, and cocked his head to one side. 

“You really thought **that** was a **casket**?” he asked in amazement.

Tony just laughed. Turning, he resumed his trek upstairs. Gibbs just shook his head and followed.

~*~*~

Later that night, Tony replayed the events in the basement in his head and then suddenly sprang upright in bed. _He called me sweetheart..._ He hadn’t been fully cognizant of everything Gibbs had said while he’d held him in his arms until now and…yeah, there’d been endearments strewn in amongst the apologies. Gibbs was not a man to use words like that lightly. In fact, Gibbs never used words like that…not even towards Abby…but maybe Kelly? Tony groaned at that thought. He would prefer to know that he used it with Shannon. Still, what if, like Abby thought, Gibbs felt more like a father to the team? Tony grimaced into the dark. He sooo did not want that to be the case but he wasn’t about to act on another assumption. Talking himself into marrying Leyla just because he _thought_ that was what Gibbs wanted was one assumption too many. Still, getting to know Leyla so well was a good thing and she’d been so very right in her assessment. He did love Gibbs…and she said Gibbs cared for him in return. She said he cared _deeply_ , which gave him all kinds of warm fuzzies. He just needed to figure out just _how_ Gibbs cared for him. Since he was VERY Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, a top-notch investigator, he could figure this out. He just had to proceed very cautiously, which was possible now that they had time. He smiled into the darkness. With that determination firm in his mind, Tony willed himself to get some sleep.

~*~*~

Tony walked into work the next day and saw that Marco was already at his desk. He smiled somewhat sadly. After icing Gibbs’ jaw the night before, they had the dreaded “what happens now?” conversation. Tony wanted to know if Gibbs wanted him back on his team. While his definite YES had been gratifying, the added statement had actually depressed him a bit. The fact was that they couldn’t go back to what they had. It wasn’t fair to Tim or even to himself. While he really didn’t care about his own career, both he and Gibbs had to think about Tim’s. God…he hated when Toothpick was right! The only other bright spot was that if things panned out the way he hoped, they wouldn’t be breaking any Agency rules about fraternization. Unfortunately, they’d still be breaking one of Gibbs’ rules…the thrice damned Rule 12. 

Gibbs had made it clear when he’d been seeing EJ that the rule applied even if the two people involved weren’t on the same team. That hadn’t made much sense to him then and it still didn’t, but he wasn’t going to push it…yet. He had to be sure there was a reason to push first. 

Tony listened carefully as more and more people arrived. He was waiting for two particular people. The elevator dinged once more and he heard the hoped-for voices. He smiled broadly in anticipation and quickly moved closer to the partition and verified that it was, indeed, Probilicious and the little Ninja finally getting to work. Marco raised an inquiring eyebrow at his antics but Tony put one finger up to request silence. Marco smiled but moved closer as well, obviously curious about what his Team Lead was up to...and then Tony heard it.

“Oh, my God, Gibbs! What happened?” McGee exclaimed rather loudly and Tony had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. 

“Who did this, Gibbs?” demanded Ziva and Tony imagined her fondling her gun, more than ready to go out and shoot someone. He imagined Gibbs rolling his eyes and then glaring at his agents. Well, as much as he was capable of considering the pretty impressive bruise and the swelling in his jaw. Tony felt a pang of guilt but pushed it down. Gibbs had conceded that he’d deserved the punch considering what Tony had gone through. He had even promised to let Ducky have a look at him, although not without argument. Eventually, though, Tony got his promise which eased him considerably. His attention was drawn back to Gibbs when the questions started.

“Have you seen Ducky?”

“Does Tony know about this?”

“Oh…who’s going to tell **Abby**?”

“HEY!“ Gibbs finally barked out bringing silence to his team. “Just a misunderstanding…it’s fixed...gonna go see Ducky,” Gibbs added…making Tony mutter a low _damn right, you are_ on the other side of the partition…and then Gibbs ordered both McGee and Ziva to get to work. 

Tony was back at his desk and acting all kinds of innocent when Gibbs rounded the corner of the partition. His glare at Tony said that he knew exactly what Tony had been up to but the sparkle in his eye also said that he’d enjoyed their reaction, too. The sparkle disappeared when Marco exclaimed “Holy shit!” Gibbs turned to Marco, sparkle now gone, but it quickly reappeared when Marco scrambled to bury his face in paperwork. Tony had to bite his lip to keep from laughing out loud but his expression quickly became alarmed when Gibbs pointed at him and said, “You get to tell Abby.”

~*~*~

Tensions eased considerably once everyone had their say. Tony survived Ducky’s lecture about using fists instead of words. Gibbs survived the lecture from both Ducky and Tony about his health. Both Tony and Gibbs survived Abby’s lecture about her favorite guys fighting but then they were able to thoroughly enjoy her special brand of forgiveness. McGee chose not to comment, probably choosing instead to try and figure out how to work the scenario into his next book. Ziva’s comment came in the form of a request: that she be allowed to watch whenever Gibbs chose to reply in kind. It took a bit longer, but the agency, as a whole, eventually settled down after Vance put a stop to all of the rampant speculation on what it took for Tony to finally deck Gibbs. 

The end result, however, was a more relaxed Gibbs although he still wasn’t happy about losing Tony. Tony, too, was able to concentrate better on bonding with his team since he no longer found himself dividing his attention between Gibbs’ team and his own. McGee was settling in easier now that the stress level had dropped and their latest probie, Bill Nowicki, realized that he maybe he didn’t need to turn in his transfer request just yet. 

Off duty, Tony learned that Gibbs actually spoke more now that he had stories of his day to share. Together they finished the bedroom set for Amira and Tony talked Gibbs into starting another boat. The anticipation in the blue eyes made Tony’s heart do a small flip. From that point on, working on it together became a daily ritual, work permitting, after which they would have dinner with Leyla and Amira. It was an arrangement that, fortunately, satisfied Ducky, especially since both men seriously cut back on their alcohol consumption.

It was during one of their dinners when Gibbs reached over to pour some more wine into Tony’s glass. As he watched the dark red liquid swirl, Tony had a momentary flashback to an earlier dinner with Leyla. Gibbs poured but, as it so happened, the bottle was almost empty. Tony ended up with a glass that was almost half full. Gibbs offered to open another bottle but Tony shook his head. What he had seemed about right. It was enough…for now.

 

TBC in Fill Me Up Part 3: Four Weddings and a Funeral


End file.
